storiesofvalue

On the other hand, while Satan exploits our fallen world, we also have a choice.  I am not dismissing the fact the choices we make for God are complicated by our natural instincts, but ultimately we are responsible for our lives.

Even as I write these words, I recognize they do not represent a complete picture of the struggle.  Yes, we are all responsible human beings, but some of us have been impacted drastically by the irresponsibility of others.  For example, I know children who aren’t sure which family member or friend they will be staying with when they come home from school.  Some end up in foster care after they are abused, abandoned or endangered in some way.  It is easy to say we can choose to make good decisions that contribute to stable homes, but if we haven’t seen a model of how this works the path can be very difficult.

Still, Satan is lurking behind every crisis we face in our families.  He knows our weaknesses, but we are not defenseless.  We can outwit him with wise choices and grow in our ability to wage spiritual warfare, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,but against the rulers, against the authorities,against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God,so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.” (Ephesians 6:12-13)

Getting to the Bottom of Things

When followers of Jesus face a series of unfortunate events in their lives, they sometimes say, “I’m under attack.”  The presumption is that Satan is throwing obstacles in their way to keep them from the will of God.  Is Satan the author of crisis in our families?  I believe he is, but not always in the ways we might think.

I think it is safe to say Satan delights in family chaos.  He knows anything that causes stress in our lives can be exploited for his purposes.  This means, while a broken washing machine may not be demon-possessed, the financial and logistical turmoil it can bring into a family’s busy schedule can lead to evil.  If Satan has been nurturing a spirit of entitlement and ingratitude in the children, they might react to the broken washing machine by lashing out when their favorite clothes are still dirty.  Whoever has the primary laundry duty might fume when there appears to be enough money in the checkbook for luxuries, but not enough for a new washing machine.  And those who don’t do the laundry might wonder why doing it at the Laundromat down the road is such a big deal.  In addition, the whole family might be suffering from some poor financial decisions that failed to take God’s kingdom goals into consideration.

Satan is patient.  He doesn’t have to destroy us in the moment, but he can use the struggle of the moment as one piece of his master plan.  And so, “yes”, when lots of bad things happen at once in our families, we are under satanic attack.  However, we must understand the battlefield has been under construction for some time, and our response to our circumstances might indicate a need to reposition our core spiritual values.  Please don’t misunderstand: we all have bad days.  Even the godliest homes can be turned upside down by a broken washing machine, or some other unexpected inconvenience in our complicated lives.  But trust me that Satan is always interested in opportunities he might have to use these kinds of things for his purposes.  Indeed, he is a “roaring lion” roaming everywhere to feed his appetite for destruction (1 Peter 5:8).

Therefore, this is where we find ourselves: aware that hope exists, but sinking in a quagmire of broken dreams, burdened hearts and unanswered questions.  If we feel responsible for our circumstances we pile guilt on top of everything else.  If we feel betrayed by others we do our best to manage our anger.  And if we aren’t sure how we arrived at our destination we might assume we are under some mysterious curse or that the world is out to get us.

This is when we ask, “Are we going to be a George Washington Carver or an Absalom?”  We can use our circumstances in our families as an excuse to lash out at the world or harness our frustrations into forward progress.  In either case, we can be sure God has a path for us with promise and hope.  Carver found it.  Absalom didn’t.

Once we make the fundamental decision to let crisis move us in a better direction, we can look to God with a hopeful spirit and a willing heart.  We can number our days aright and seek wisdom (Psalm 90:12).  We may not always be able to predict God’s timing, but we can be assured of His faithfulness.  It is also highly possible our crisis will be a catalyst to a greater place of influence in the kingdom.

In my ministry I frequently come into contact with families in crisis mode.  The events that lead them to the self-imposed variety of crisis are varied, but the most common villains are financial overload, marital strife and childhood rebellion.  Lurking behind these issues I often find unfaithfulness, alcoholism, addiction and unresolved conflict.

There are also many kinds of crisis imposed on families through no fault of their own.  This list includes unemployment, illness, accidents, death, natural disasters and crime.

Sometimes the self-imposed and imposed come together to create the perfect storm.  For example, I have seen people with functional alcoholism drink themselves to death over the death of a loved one.  And I have seen unexpected financial stress destroy marriages that were just beginning to heal.  This is what often makes crisis in a family so complicated. When our trials are a combination of things we can and can’t control we have trouble wading through it all and coming to terms with our emotions and personal responsibilities.

King David is a good case study on this very subject.  You may know David’s son Absalom usurped his father’s throne and had to be killed to save the kingdom of Israel from chaos.  Well, alright, maybe he didn’t have to be killed, but that was the end result of his behavior.  Although what Absalom did was treacherous, I have always had a bit of a soft spot in my heart for him.  Absalom lived under the shadow of David adulterous affair with Bathsheba and his murder of Bathsheba’s husband Uriah.  If this wasn’t bad enough, when Absalom’s sister Tamar was raped, David did nothing.  Absalom’s betrayal was a terrible act of treason, but in his mind he must have thought he was “righting” a number of wrongs committed against him.

I am not suggesting every family crisis is rooted in sin.  On the contrary, I often work with families that face circumstances beyond their control with faith and character.  However, it has been my general experience that crisis is multilayered, and nowhere is this more true than in our family where our lives are intertwined with others.

When Hope is All We Have

It is impossible for us to predict the future with perfect accuracy, but this doesn’t stop us from dreaming.  I have always been inspired by stories of people who were able to see beyond seemingly impossible circumstances to better days ahead.

Not long ago I was reading a biography of George Washington Carver, the incredibly talented African-American botanist and inventor.  Carver was born into slavery, and separated from his parents at a young age as a result of an unfortunate raid on his German owner’s property.  After the abolition of slavery he was adopted, along with his brother, by the owner his parents used to serve, and was encouraged to pursue an education.  The road to an education was difficult and filled with numerous obstacles put in his path by society, but George Washington Carver persevered.  His legacy and life are now seen as a matter of national pride.

When I read about people who overcome incredible odds to attain a place of influence I ask myself, “What did they see?  How were they able to think differently than many of the people around them and hope for something that was nearly invisible?”

The same could be said about many of the people God has called to lead throughout history.  With a call from God and a promise, they walked through troubles and trials to the life that had been prepared for them.  Of Abraham, the Hebrews writes says, “By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents,as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise.”  (Hebrews 11:9)

Some had a glimpse of what might come, but others had nothing to go on but trust in God.  Sometimes, that’s all any of us have.  But fortunately, that is all we need to begin.

All Because

If I might borrow from Scriven’s song once more, one of his stanza’s end with the phrase “all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.”  Anxiety is a fact of life, and as long as there are things we can’t control this reality is not likely to go away anytime soon.  But experiencing anxiety and living in a constant state of worry are two different things.

When we pray God comforts us, providentially moves in our lives and directs us to act on our own behalf.  He does this, not just for our sakes, but also because our anxieties stand in the way of the things He wants to accomplish though us.  Satan takes pleasure in chaos because it unsettles our spirit and keeps us from fulfilling God’s purposes.  God, on the other hand, brings order out of chaos and gives us the confidence to stand strong in the midst of turmoil.

Therefore we pray, not just so God can make our lives easier, but also that we might be in the state of heart and mind most receptive to eternal truths.  The Psalmist wrote, “The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.  Then I called on the name of the LORD: “O LORD, save me!”  The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. (Psalm 116:3-6)  If we call on His name, he will save us as well.

God comforts and intervenes in our lives, but He also prompts us to act on our own behalf.  I am not suggesting God leaves us to take care of ourselves, but rather that sometimes the very thing He wants us to do is assume personal responsibility.

Several years ago a married couple sought me out for financial counsel.  I am not a trained consultant, but it was obvious they had been living well above their means and were facing bankruptcy.  The couple feared for their financial future, but also for their children who looked to them as their source of security.  Our church family did what they could to help, and with a little assistance and some diligent crisis management the disaster was averted.  Over time this couple drifted away from church in favor of weekend recreation, and before long they were once again living above their means.  Is another crisis in their future?  I sincerely hope not.  But they are certainly headed in that direction.

Many of our anxieties are self-imposed because we don’t pay attention to God’s expressed will as revealed in His written Word.  Not only this, but sometimes we use twisted theology and “God-talk” to convince ourselves we are doing exactly what God wants.  Our anxiety is compounded when we start to suffer the consequences of our actions because we presume God has let us down.  But we must be honest.  Did God let us down because we bought something we couldn’t afford?  Did he let us down because an improper relationship caused our life to blow up?  It is God’s fault we took advantage of our employer and lost our job?

Please don’t get me wrong.  God is in the business of pulling people out of the fire, and He doesn’t refuse our cries for mercy.  In fact, the big story of the Bible is one of redemption.  I am merely pointing out, as we consider how God helps us in our anxieties, that sometimes He teaches us to avoid anxiety altogether by obeying His commands.  In his second letter to Timothy Paul wrote “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity,but a spirit of power,of love and of self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7)  God empowers us when we are in crisis, loves us when we are hurt, but also reminds us to act responsibility with the gifts and opportunities He has given us so He can bless us and we can be a blessing to others.

Sometimes, no doubt, God answers our anxiety by conquering the source of our fear.  As Jesus stood up to the storm and commanded it to be still, His Father intervenes in our circumstances and providentially delivers us.  Providential care does not require a miracle, but most often employs people, places and things for divine purposes.

The prophet Elijah battled the demon of fear.  This might disappoint us since he is truly iconic in biblical history.  How could the man who foreshadowed John the Baptist and exemplified the prayer of a “righteous man” in the book of James lose his confidence before God?  Yet, even after being rescued from starvation by ravens and a poor widow in Zarephath, Elijah was still capable of crying out “I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” (1 Kings 19:10 NIV)

It is one thing to be free from fear in the abstract and quite another to remain calm when trouble presses in.  This is why we can be lulled into a false sense of security when we are safely tucked into our church buildings, surrounded by fellow-believers.  It is also why some of the most profound prayers take place in our workplaces, schools, and neighborhoods.  This is where our anxious hearts meet an engaging God and also where He removes our fears through invisible and visible means.

The Answer to the Anxious Prayer

If prayer is more than therapy, and if coming into the presence of God brings results, we are led to ask, “Exactly what does God do?”  After all, when we are in a crisis, we want relief, and while we might not expect God to make everything right at once, we at least want some indication we are headed in the right direction.  How does God answer our anxious prayers?

First, and in keeping with our physiological need for calm, God comforts and assures us.  He might do this through the work of the indwelling Spirit, or some other indication of His grace.  He moves through the actions of messengers, both divine and human, angelic and flesh, to prove He has not abandoned us in our time of need.  There are, of course, nuances to God’s providential care depending on whether or not we are in Christ, but He cares for everyone, and has many ways to remind His children they are not alone.

While David was anointed by God, there is no reason to believe He had the indwelling Holy Spirit promised to followers of Jesus.  Yet, God moved in his life in such a way it was impossible to miss His love and care.  Frequently, David affirmed God’s judgment of the wicked and His presence with the righteous.  He sang, “God is present in the company of the righteous” (Psalm 14:5).

I once heard someone say, “You always feel good when you do what’s right.”  Perhaps this feeling is the knowledge God is near when we do His will and seek to please Him with righteous acts.  This is true for everyone, saved and lost, and perhaps explains why people who have not yet given their lives to Jesus still sense they are on the right track when they instinctively, or by way of God’s written Word, do good.

But if prayer has a settling effect on our spirits, isn’t that therapy?  In 1855 Joseph M. Scriven wrote the song “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” to comfort his mother who lived miles away in Ireland.  Perhaps you have heard these lyrics: “Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?  Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.  Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!  In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.”  This hymn still connects with us because it describes our common experience.  Prayer gives us peace, which certainly sounds therapeutic.

Please note, I have not suggested prayer cannot be used to bring calm, but rather that it is much more than a spiritual drug.  It is also more than a technique, and isn’t intended to bring glory to the agent, but rather to draw both its subject and agent into the presence of the Creator.

If there is any comfort in prayer, it is because it is the means by which we connect with the One who knows our inner being, and empowers us with His Holy Spirit.  He cleanses our hearts and takes away our iniquity.  And He addresses our fears by reminding us of His ability to hold us up in any trial.  As the Lord spoke these words to the prophet Isaiah, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10)