storiesofvalue

Listening with discernment fosters success.  A failure to listen, or listening to the wrong people can lead to disaster. 

Consider the tragic case of Rehoboam, King of Israel.  When Rehoboam inherited the throne from his father Solomon, he turned to his father’s elders for direction.  These wise men recounted the hardships Solomon had imposed on the nation with public projects and oppressive taxes.  They counseled Rehoboam to change course, to be a servant to the people, motiving them to willingly follow His leadership.  Next, Rehoboam polled his young friends who suggested he should assert his authority by making people’s lives more difficult.  Unfortunately, Rehoboam foolishly embraced his young friends’ counsel, which resulted in a catastrophic split in his kingdom.   

Wise listening is not just a good idea.  It is critical if we hope to make the most of the opportunities God brings into our lives.    

Yet, as humans, we have been challenged listeners since we were old enough to purposely ignore our parents. We would be hard pressed to find a parent who hasn’t said to a child, “Did you hear what I said?”, a frustrated adolescent who hasn’t vented, “You never listen to me!”, or a frustrated spouse who hasn’t remarked, “I don’t think you heard a thing I just said.”  On a lighter note, how many couples have watched three separate weather forecasts on the evening news, only to ask one another, “Did he say it’s going to rain tomorrow?” 

God is very familiar with our listening struggles. He knows we often fail to hear Him, and even when we do, we have trouble letting His Word direct our steps.

Listening is critical to almost every area of our lives.  When done well it nurtures intimacy, creates understanding and clarifies vision.  When done poorly it leads to misunderstanding, mischaracterization, missed opportunities and broken relationships. This is true of our human interactions as well as our walk with God.  In fact, it might be said that nothing will determine the course of our lives more than our ability to truly hear what our community and Creator are saying.   

How can we become better listeners and improve our walk with God and each other?  I realize this question has been addressed exhaustively.  But a topic so vital to life itself can always benefit from one more perspective.  As I have considered how I might become a better listener, and experience a fuller life, I have adopted some principles I wish to share.  While many have studied the intricacies of human communication from a technical and sociological viewpoint, which are of great value, I wish to ponder some lessons rooted in our identity as spiritual beings. “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear” (Mark 1:9).

1. Our pathway to better listening begins with an admission: As imperfect human beings, it is our nature to ignore important messages that have the power to change our lives.  This unflattering characteristic distorts how we interpret what others say, causes us to dismiss good counsel and prevents God’s truth from finding a home in our hearts.  If we are disciples of Jesus, the Holy Spirit that lives in us wants access to our whole being, but the old sinful nature that refuses to completely die stands in His way.  God continues to confront us with His Word and refuses to let our soul rest until we pay attention to the things He is saying.  David once encouraged his readers in this respect: “Today, if you would only hear his voice” (Psalm 95:7).

If we are followers of Jesus, we are being transformed by the Holy Spirit as we wage war daily with our old person of sin.  But if we fail to recognize how this battle impacts our ability to listen, we are fooling ourselves.  It is good to strive for humility, lest we think we have heard or know it all.  The failure to hear is not inherently sinful, but it can be used by Satan to keep us from discerning God’s will. 

2. We can ask God to help us become better listeners:  When we pray to this end, we increase our sense of accountability and invite God into our growth process.  Of course, God doesn’t need our permission for anything, but in the realm of free will, He has given us the ability to open or close our hearts to His prompting.  If the Holy Spirit is active in our transformation, which I believe He is, then our prayers are a means of giving Him free passage to our innermost parts.  Our prayer might be, “God, help us listen with humility as we consider the thoughts of others more important than our own.”  Another might be, “God, calm our anxieties and lessen our distractions so we can focus on the words others are speaking.” 

God can help us examine what we bring to a conversation.  For example, we all have filters that influence how we hear others. Most are harmless, but when our negative opinions of others impact our ability to listen, we can make people feel dismissed or misunderstood.  This does not mean we won’t have close friends with whom we will communicate on a deeper level, or that we will not have to occasionally establish boundaries with those who are consistently inconsiderate of our time.  On the other hand, we want to be self-aware of biases, insecurities or any other personal blind spots that keep us from giving others our full attention.  God can help us in this area if we ask.  David wrote, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts” (Psalm 139:23). This is a good prayer to keep in mind before we engage others. 

3. We can assess how our emotions effect what we hear:  When tested by others, my grandfather would sometimes say, “I’m so angry, I can’t think”!  My grandfather was actually thinking when he said this, and it was probably a blessing I couldn’t read his mind. But he was simply sharing a truth about emotions and listening: emotions have a physiological effect on our ability to listen, speak and act.  This is why heated arguments are often nonsensical.  The words being spoken and heard are laced with feelings that scramble our brains. Perhaps this is why James linked our emotions to hearing and speaking when he wrote, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).

Emotions twist our judgment and misdirect our moral compasses.  Friends who confront friends who are captives to sin are often scorned for being judgmental.   For fear of missing out on fame and fortune, people will sometime ignore the warnings of trusted confidents and make disastrous career and business decisions.  When our egos are fed by a rush of adrenalin it is difficult to hear good counsel. Since we are emotional beings with a bent toward sin, it is unrealistic to assume we will ever gain mastery over our feelings.  But we can mitigate mistakes by contemplating the words “quick” and “slow” in James’ exhortation.  We should be quick to hear the wisdom others are speaking into our lives and slow to make choices without careful thought and prayer. 

4. We can limit distractions: We perceive when others are preoccupied in a conversation. When this happens, it doesn’t necessarily mean other people don’t care about us.  Rather, it is proof of the power distractions have over the ability to hear.  It is important to address this obstacle, lest the people we care about grow tired of our dismissive behavior.  This should also lead us to consider how God feels when we are too busy with life to worship Him or walk with Him alone in silence. 

Sources of distractions are numerous, from cell phones and busy schedules to worry during stressful seasons.  It is easy to find ourselves lost in our thoughts in the middle of a conversation.  There are practical skills we can practice to help us stay focused.  Corporations spend millions of dollars training their employees in the fine art of communication.  It is good to embrace what others have learned about productive listening, such as choosing appropriate settings for conversations, asking clarifying questions and recapping what we have heard. 

But there is a spiritual aspect to distractions, especially as we consider the effort God has made to share His will with us.  Our willingness to prioritize people and listen more carefully in our conversations is a heart issue.  Although Rehoboam chose unwisely when he listened to his young friends over the elders who had advised his father, there is no indication he considered God’s opinion.  A decision as important as his future policies toward his nation deserved time in prayer and meditation as He sought God’s direction.  Instead, he was distracted by his friends, and the allure of power.  When we seek God, He keeps our eyes on a future that honors Him, and respects others.   

5. Finally, we find space to hear ourselves:  In a noisy world, we must take time to settle our souls and examine our hearts and minds.  By “hear ourselves” I do not mean to suggest our voices are the only ones we hear.  Quite the opposite is true.  In contemplation, we can seek God, ponder how our emotions might be impacting our choices, repent of sinful priorities and pray for growth.  All of the thoughts I have shared thus far are useless if we don’t spend time with ourselves, considering how we might change the course of our lives. 

Whether we choose a walk in the woods, a stroll on the beach, a solo hobby, a quiet devotional time in our homes, or an extended retreat, the best way to reengage our listening abilities is to find a way to hear ourselves think.  A wise man once told me, “Most people already have the answers to their problems inside of them.”  As long as we remember the Holy Spirit is a part of this theory, I think it is a good rule of thumb.  The issue is, we just don’t take time to think; to ponder; to listen to ourselves. 

If we could go back in time and warn Rehoboam, history might be different.  But then, if he wouldn’t listen to his father’s elders, why would he listen to us?  If you think you have heard these words somewhere before, I refer you to Abraham’s words to the rich man in heaven who wanted to go back and warn his brothers to change their lives.  Abraham said, “If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead” (Luke 16:31). Hearing is ultimately in our court.  God still speaks, and it is up to us to listen. 

As I near the end of my second year of chaplaincy ministry, and the first following my year-long residency at a local Veteran’s Medical Center, I am processing my experience and lessons learned.  It seems beneficial to record my thoughts for the sake of conversation and perspective.

Currently, I serve a faith-based hospital chain in four locations (Bon Secours).  I am scheduled for “on-call” ministry from the moment full-time chaplains leave the hospital at 4:30pm through 8:00am the next morning when they return.  On weekends I fill 24 hour “on-call” time slots.  In addition, I accept “on-site” day shifts for full-time chaplains when they are ill or traveling. 

When I am “on-call”, I am notified of a need through an app and travel to the hospital to be with patients and/or family members.  The majority of my “on-call” requests are for dying patients or those whose loved ones are in the process of dying or have passed away.  Other needs include patients who are inconsolable in the face of a crisis, those who ask for a chaplain to help them process matters of faith and medical care team members who need encouragement.  My “on-site” day shifts are focused on some of the situations I have described above, but they are primarily focused on “rounds” in which I visit inpatients to assess their well-being, assist with Advanced Medical Directives, and support loved ones. 

Patient visits require collaboration with the medical team and documentation in the hospital’s digital medical record system.  In addition, our chaplain team has a log for the purpose of peer evaluation and follow-up.  As an employee, I report to the Spiritual Care Director and have various responsibilities to my team as we coordinate our efforts. 

While deceased patients comprise the majority of my evening “on-call” responses, these vary in their level of intensity.  My most challenging calls involve fetal demise and unexpected medical events resulting in death. 

Chaplaincy has been fulfilling, meaningful and, at times, trying.  I feel blessed with an opportunity to continue a ministry of compassion after 47 years in local church leadership.  The following discoveries, which I choose to share, have enriched my sense of calling and deepened my understand of God’s providential hand. 

Discovery #1: God works through presence. 

Presence is one of the most valuable gifts any of us have to offer.  While it is true we cannot always be physically present with others when they pass through a dark valley, a phone call or online video chat can be a life-saver.    

God has always placed a high premium on presence.  After Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, they heard “the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day” (Genesis 3:8).  While this was not a welcomed visit, it shows God’s unshakable desire to draw near to His creation.  In the wilderness, God made His presence known through a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night (Exodus 13:21).  When the prophet Elijah was on the run from Ahab and Jezebel, God came to him in a “whisper” (1 Kings 19:12).  And, of course, God’s ultimate expression of presence came in the form of His Son Jesus, “God with us” (Matthew 1:23), followed by the indwelling Holy Spirit.  God has made Himself known in other ways, such as through angels and the written Word.  He is, indeed omnipresent and His providence is constantly at work. 

Unfortunately, as humans we cannot be everywhere at once, although some are held to this impossible expectation.  However, we can represent the grace of God where we are, and as the Lord’s collective church, be in a multitude of places at once.  In this, we can point people to the One who will never leave or forsake them. 

This is how I have seen God working through me in my time as a chaplain.  He uses my imperfect efforts, together with that of others on our care team, to remind those facing challenges they are not alone.  Recently, I stood with a family in a cubicle as nurses disconnected their loved one’s life-support to prepare for an organ procurement.  Under Virginia state law, if a patient doesn’t die within ninety minutes, the medical team is required to restore life-support.  The patient was still breathing after the allotted time and he was reconnected to life-support.  Ten minutes after returning to his room, he passed away, and the delay in procurement rendered the organs unsuitable for donation.  His family members understandably said, “this is the hardest thing we have ever done.”  Apart from my prayer, I only spoke once or twice as this event unfolded.  But the family thanked me several times for being present. 

We often surmise if we don’t say anything, we aren’t helping.  Certainly, there are situations where we might speak, perhaps even referencing scripture, singing or recalling appropriate biblical truths.  But if my frequent calls to the side of dying patients have taught me anything, it is that there is strength in the simple knowledge others are with us when we face trouble.  I would recommend that none of us ever let not knowing what to say keep us from showing up for others.  In fact, it is possible knowing where to be and when to be there is more valuable than knowing what to say. 

Discovery #2: God works through listening.

I may not always know what to say when I am with a patient or family in crisis.  But I do well to remember what not to say.  I don’t need to answer the perplexing question of “why”?  “Why did my loved one die?”  “Why am I suffering”?  I don’t need to judge.  I recently responded to a patient in distress who was heart-broken because someone told her daughter she had a miscarriage because she had become pregnant out of wedlock.  The daughter vowed never to darken the doors of a church again.  We simply don’t have enough insight into God’s plan to make such statements. 

Knowing what not to say is applicable in any situation.  Perhaps you have tried to share something personal with another individual, only to have him refocus the conversation on himself.  Or you have attempted to celebrate an experience and had your enthusiasm dampened by someone who wanted to impress you with his own exploits.      

We don’t have to say everything we are thinking and we don’t have to prove how much we know.  Often, the people we are in conversation with simply want to be heard.  When others listen to them, it validates them and gives them a voice.  Other times people in pain need to know there is someone with them who hears their cries.  A few months ago, I was standing outside of an emergency room, around midnight, with a father whose daughter had died following a seizure.  The father called out to God and clinched his fists.  He shook for two hours until he was led to a car by family members. 

There is a good chance the father in this story won’t remember my name.  He may not remember much at all about that dreadful night.  Yet, I am convinced having a human being nearby who could hear his conversation with God and hold his hand as he shook, was critical.  After all, when we care for people in need, it isn’t vital that they recall some great thing we said or did.  What they need is the knowledge their words are not falling on deaf ears.  Of course, God hears them, but He has asked us to be His ears on earth where others are hurting.

Discovery #3: God works through collaboration.

In my Clinical Pastoral Education courses, my supervisors stressed the importance of collaboration with the care team.  Depending on the situation, this might include doctors, physician’s assistants, nurses, psychiatrics, aids and others.  When I am on night shift chaplain’s duty, my calls to respond to a patient’s need usually comes from a nurse who is assigned to the case.  The nurse fills me in on the circumstances and gives me an insight into any family dynamics that might be relevant before I arrive.  After I arrive, doctors and other professionals update me and offer guidance to help me offer the best possible care.  And in the event of a death, our entire team works together to comfort and assist family members. 

During my forty-seven years of local church ministry, there was also collaboration.  Ministry staff members, elders, deacons, Community Group members, Sunday School classes and a network of Christian friends reached out to those in need.  This was accomplished through meal trains, funeral receptions, contributions to medical funds and physical work at places of residence.  The church, by its very nature, is the image of collaboration, as the “holy priesthood” comes together to represent the love and grace of Jesus (1 Peter 2:5). 

Often, my job as chaplain during a hospital emergency, is to sit with family members and help them cope while the medical team strives to save their loved one’s life.  Sometimes I am aware of realities I am not at liberty to share, but normally I sit in the proverbial dark with them until the doctor comes with an update.  In one tragic case, I held onto a mother and father in an emergency room as we watched doctors try to save their ten-year old son.  I am not certain this was a healthy situation, but the parents insisted on being present, and my ministry was to keep them calm and comforted while doctors and nurses did their part.  After two hours, their son went into cardiac arrest and the mother began to faint, which made it necessary for us to escort both parents out of the room.  The child did not survive.  Our team was emotionally impacted, but we each played a role in helping the parents endure their worst nightmare. 

One of the best questions we can ask when we reach out to others in need is, “what is the best way I can help?”  We might pose this question directly to those who are hurting, or offer our assistance to someone closely connected to the situation.  We shouldn’t be disappointed if we aren’t needed, or if the place we are needed isn’t where we thought we would be.  If we are sincere in helping, none of these things matter.  What does matter is that we are willing to fill a role that makes a difference. 

Recently, I asked a good friend who’s loved is suffering what I could do to help.  At the time I made the call, I was sitting under a tree with my wife on an excursion out of town.  My friend said, “I’ll tell you what you can do.  You can sit under that tree with Jane and treasure every moment you have with her.”  And so, that’s what I did.  We can’t anticipate how God might use us, but if we are willing, He will show us what to do. 

Discovery #4: God works through family.

Finally, I have come to have a greater appreciation for the role family plays in a time of crisis.  Family members are not always present when I respond to a call from the hospital.  Some patients die unexpectedly and others have no family or their family members are enroute.  But more times than not, when I arrive, I find family.  It isn’t uncommon to wait for hours for every family member to arrive at their loved one’s bedside to say goodbye.  I try to stay until everyone has arrived, at which time I gather the family in a circle around their deceased loved one to pray. 

Then I step out.  While people appreciate my presence and prayers as the chaplain, they often save their deepest grief for the moment when they are alone as a family; when the entire team has left the room and they are left together with their loved one.  I hear their cries at a distance, and I thank God for the strength of family. 

Yes, I have encountered some highly dysfunctional situations.  I have seen children and step-parents argue over who makes legal decisions, family members who refuse to be in the room until others leave, and a few who have no family to manage their affairs due to estrangement.  But this is rare, and even when dysfunctions do exist, most family members put their grievances aside to avoid dishonoring their loved one.  Apart from God, and the care team, no other force is as critical as family. 

If you don’t have family, or your family lives elsewhere, I want to remind you God has given you another family in the form of His church.  In Ephesians 2:19, the Apostle Paul reminded us we are members of God’s “household.”  Brothers and sisters in Christ reside in a residence of grace.  We rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).  Don’t hesitate to call on your church family in a time of need.  Be honest about how your spiritual brothers and sisters can help.  As the church, be sure to provide a safe place where those who are in pain can speak freely without condemnation.  And be present.

In some ways, my second year of chaplaincy is not much different than my years in local church ministry.  In other ways, it is very different.  The similarities involve the things we all need.  We all need people to be present and listen.  And care happens best when we are surrounded by a team or people we count as family.  The contrasts are seen in my new role.  In chaplaincy I have a defined role for which I have been trained.  Every situation is different, but I am there to offer spiritual care as needed.  In the church, ministers wear many hats.  In chaplaincy, I am usually present as a patient is dying, or moments after a death.  In church ministry I was also called to the bedside of dying or deceased loved ones, but my biggest role was to bring follow-up care in the form of funeral planning and grief counseling. 

You might say, in the words of Joni Mitchell, “I’ve looked at life (ministry) from both sides now”.  And on either side, I have seen the amazing grace of God working through His servants to bring comfort to those who are hurting.  In the hospital setting, even those who do not consider themselves to be “religious” often draw on God’s love to respond to hard situations.

Whether we are chaplains, local church ministry leaders or members of the Lord’s church in any role, God wants to use us as His ambassadors.  And as we go, we are the incarnate gospel, trusting our presence will make a difference as we draw others to our Savior Jesus.

Passion produces joy.  Recently, our 12 year old granddaughter faced the deadline for soccer sign-ups with her local youth league.  Her enthusiasm for the sport had waned and she had the courage to tell her parents she didn’t want to play.  She said, “It doesn’t bring me joy.” She focused on track, writing and a school play instead, and did quite well in all three.

I’m proud of my granddaughter.  Not just because she found something she could excel at that brought her joy.  But rather because she was self-aware enough in her youth to examine her heart and move where it was leading. 

I wish the same for everyone.  Unfortunately, aa adults, we often miss our passion and the joy it yields.  We live our lives for the people we want to please, or for surface rewards void of meaning.  One day we look back and say, “I’m unfulfilled, but I’m not sure why.” 

Before I continue, I feel a need to offer a relevant perspective.  My grandmother was a mother of four when my grandfather was killed in a railroad accident.  She lived in the mountains of Eastern Kentucky, and had to find a way to raise her children in a challenging culture with few resources.  If you had asked my grandmother if she was pursuing her passion, she might have looked at you like you were from another planet.  Her children were certainly her passion, but she was not in a position to follow other aspects of her heart’s desire.  After she raised her children, she became a nanny in one of their homes, and while she was cared for, she had few worldly possessions.  I say this because I don’t want anything I share here to dismiss the realities of life. And of course, my grandmother was more fortunate that others in our world who don’t know where they will sleep or what they will eat on a daily basis. 

A good definition of joy requires context.  During my life I have encountered a few individuals who were happiest when they used their power or influence to hurt others.  But this isn’t joy.  True joy should reflect the nature of God.  If He is not seen in the passions we follow and the joy we experience, we may want to rethink our priorities.    

I present this definition of joy for your consideration: “Joy is found in knowing ourselves as God knows us and finding meaning and purpose in our relationship with Him, His Son Jesus and all creation.” Under the category of “creation” I include people, the animal world, mountains, valleys, streams and oceans, and earthly resources that can be fashioned for our benefit. What God has created for our enjoyment can be corrupted for evil purposes, but when this occurs the outcome is not joy.

When properly understood, we can experience joy regardless of our circumstances. It comes to us in the darkest night as well as through the blessings of abundance.  In darkness, Jesus endured the cross for the “joy set before him” (Hebrews 12:2).  James encouraged the church to “count it all joy” when they endured trials.  The Apostle Paul asked believers to pray for him in his struggles, “so that I may come to you with joy, by God’s will, and in your company be refreshed” (Romans 15:32). When faced with evil-doers who wished him harm, the psalmist wrote, “My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you— I whom you have delivered” (Psalm 71:23)

Just as a grasp of biblical joy helps us see beyond our circumstances, it also reframes unpleasant tasks.  Several years ago, a team of people from my church family freely served businesses near our facility by cleaning their toilets.  It was a nasty job, but they did so joyously because they were passionate about showing the love of Jesus to others. When something we do serves a higher purpose, we can praise God for the opportunity.  Perhaps this was the psalmist’s motivation when he wrote, “I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked” (Psalm 84:10b)

If you are going through a season in your life where joy is in short supply, allow me to make the following suggestions.  Perhaps you will find them helpful.

1.  First, be honest with God and others about your situation.  Lacking joy is not a sin.  Neither is feeling a lack of passion.  But we create a foothold in our hearts for Satan when we try to hide our emptiness.  More than one marriage has been destroyed because a husband and wife allowed a void to go unchecked until someone outside of the marriage found a way to fill it wit an immoral act.  May I suggest we simply pray, “God, my soul feels empty.  Help me find joy again.”  Admission is the place to begin. 

2. Perform an inventory.  What has brought you joy in the past?  Where have you sensed passion?  Certainly, as followers of Jesus, we would include His redeeming love in this list, as well as moments in our lives when we have felt an overwhelming sense of the Lord’s presence. We might seek to rekindle these experiences through personal or corporate worship, and/or time in God’s Word.  These are excellent choices.  However, I wish to remind you that godly joy can be nurtured in many contexts.  Not every sanctified passion fits into the box of traditional spiritual disciplines. 

During the COVID pandemic, I needed a healthy diversion to help me navigate the stress of doing ministry in a difficult season.  I recalled my deep love for fishing as a child and the hours my grandfather and I shared on the shorelines of ponds, lakes, rivers and creeks.  Somewhere along the way, between people needs and sermon preparation, I had pushed fishing out of my life, with the exception of an occasional trip on the water with a church member.  But, during the pandemic, when my contact with church members was often limited to six feet and a mask, I yearned to reconnect with my soul.  I returned to fishing.  Since this passion had been dormant for years, I had to force myself to the water as a form of “tough self-love”.  I told my wife I wanted a new rod and reel for Christmas, as motivation.  I knew I wouldn’t want my wife’s Christmas gift to collect dust.  After a few trips, and one or two catches, I felt a spark reignite.  I began to reminisce the days I spent with my grandfather, and the joy of those days returned.  Now, I try to fish at least three times a week.  Fishing brings me joy.  It also draws my heart close to God as I reflect on His creative genius and loving-kindness.  My fishing trips are not a substitute for time in God’s Word, or with His people. Yet, they fuel a passion, which fills my heart with thanksgiving. 

If you are in a dry season in your life and lack passion and joy, you may want to make a short list of past passions.  What has brought you joy before the responsibilities of life sucked you dry?  Maybe your circumstances have changed and you can no longer participate in activities with the same intensity.  Instead, consider a passion that fits your situation and pursue it.  Don’t be surprised if you have to push yourself.  When an ember in the fire is down to its last spark, it takes time and effort to make it glow again.  But as your mind, body and soul begin to remember the joy you once felt, your enthusiasm will return. 

3. Find your people.  Passion, joy and relationships are connected.  When we feel empty, we often shun others.  We lack the emotional energy to engage in community, which we desperately need.  This does not mean being around people will instantly bring us joy (It could cause more distress).  Nor should we assume that we can’t find joy by pursuing our passions alone (I usually fish solo). 

But once we identify a passion and start the rekindling (or kindling in the case of a new pursuit) process, it helps to surround ourselves with others who share our interests.  We can do this by attending an event focused on our passion, reporting our successes to loved ones or sending friends updates on our progress.  When I started fishing again, I put my phone in my pocket and talked with mother in Florida as I fished.  When I caught a fish, I sent her a picture.  Being a good mother, she praised me as if my catch was a world record.  Now that my mother is with the Lord, I send my fish pictures to my fishing friends and they return in kind. 

If we are followers of Jesus, the church community is technically “our people”, since we share a common salvation. We are strengthened when we worship and grow with our spiritual brothers and sisters. But there are also “people within a people” when it comes to the church.  In other words, in the church we find people who share our more unique passions.  By way of example, I have a few friends in my church who share my passion for Hot Wheels die-cast cars.  Years ago, I organized a Hot Wheels Day, complete with a four lane track, a car show, Hot Wheels activity sets and a grand prize of a ride in a pace car at a local NASCAR track.  Our Hot Wheels Day wasn’t a worship service, but it was “glorious”!  And filled with joy.  It may have been a little selfish on my part, designing a church activity for my “people within a people”, but there were no complaints.  I encourage you to look for your people and seek opportunities to connect for the sake of increasing your joy. 

4. Finally, ditch the joy killers.  As we grasp our passions and see our joy increase, we will likely recognize that our personal schedule and priorities need to change. While it is true we can’t always choose the margins in our lives (as with my grandmother who had to raise four children in the mountains), and we must perform draining tasks for those who depend on us (such as our employers), it is also true we can be our own worst enemies.  We need balance, which means we might want to eliminate unnecessary commitments in favor of those that fuel our passions.  In so doing, we learn to say “no” to joy killers for our souls’ sake.  We learn this hard lesson when we pass through the valley of dry bones and experience healing from the God who gives us life.  

I could have used my granddaughter’s wisdom during seasons when I failed to manage my activities well.  I would also have benefited from drawing on a broader scope of godly passions outside of traditional religious activities.  Notice, I didn’t say, “instead of traditional religious activities”.  There have been times in my life when the only thing holding me together was my time in the Word of God and the opportunities I had to worship with my church.  I am merely suggesting it is good to expand our understanding of passion and joy, and allow God to fill us in ways that are specific to our nature.  He designed each of us as unique individuals, and redeemed us through His Son that we might find ourselves, experience joy, and present ourselves in a more whole fashion for the sake of the kingdom.   

THE MAN AND THE MIRROR

During a recent bathroom renovation, I temporarily removed a large mirror that had reflected my image for thirty years.  I found this simple step disorienting because the fixture I use to shave, comb my hair, put in my contact lenses and make a general assessment of my appearance before going out in public was missing. And since mirrors add perspective and depth to small spaces, I felt uncomfortably confined.

I survived, since we have other mirrors in our house.  But I was struck by the impact the absence of something as simple as a reflection had on my senses.  Could it be my life was that empty?   Was a mirror crucial to my daily existence, and did it feed something inauthentic in my soul?  “No”, I told myself.  “My routine has merely been interrupted and this does not indicate a serious flaw.” 

Yet, as I pondered my uneasiness, I recognized how mirrors have played and still play an influential role in all of our lives.  I remembered Bible references, including the man in James’ biblical letter who sees himself in a mirror and forgets what he looks like when he walks away.  We will return to this passage in a moment, but for now, perhaps it would be helpful to review some background information. 

In Bible days, mirrors were made of polished metal, absent the glass.  Bronze was used most frequently, but silver and gold were acquired to produce mirrors for the wealthy.  Some have suggested the Apostle Paul’s phrase “now we see through a glass, darkly” (I Corinthians 13:12) was a metaphor drawn from the characteristics of polished metal mirrors of his day.  The modern mirror is a descendent of a technique introduced by a German inventor by the name of Justus von Liebig in 1835.  Liebig applied a thin layer of silver behind a piece of glass, and launched a revolution.  Today, mirrors are still backed by layers of silver or aluminum. 

Now back to my pondering.  Why did the removal of my mirror leave such an impression?  The following considerations came to mind:

1. First, my mirror affirms my existence.  When I wake up in the morning, I look at myself in the mirror as a habit.  This is my way of declaring, “Yup, that’s me.  Same brown eyes.  Same brown hair (with ever increasing patches of gray).  Same nose and mouth.”  While this may sound silly, recognizing ourselves in a mirror is fundamental to our sense of self.  I have read that children pass this milestone around twenty months of age.  They also see themselves reflected in the words and facial expressions of their parents or caregivers.  Is it possible this developmental step is the origin of our morning glance in the mirror?

As adults, we have a need to be “seen”; to have others confirm our existence.  Being “seen” includes others’ acknowledgement of our importance, accomplishments, thoughts and concerns.  This is why we prefer that others speak to us instead of around us. To listen to us instead of telling us what they know.  Perhaps you have been in a group discussion where you felt dismissed because others ignored you.  Did you think, “Hey, I’m here”, or make an overt attempt to be noticed?  It’s alright if you did, because we all need to be seen.  

When I look in a mirror, I see myself.  I start my day with proof of my existence. 

2. My mirror reinforces my self-image.  Along with “I’m here” I need to know “I am”.  When I look in a mirror, I see more than a physical reflection.  The image before me evokes what I feel about myself; the uniqueness of my being. 

A glance in a mirror can point to something deeper.  It touches our dreams, fears and disappointments.  Our facial expressions tell us when we are happy, worried, sad or inspired.  We ask, “Am I pretty or handsome?  Am I getting old?  Am I getting enough sleep?”  In our better moments, we know our outward appearance does not define us.  As the Lord told Samuel when he was preparing to identify Israel’s next king, “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).  Still, the inner conversation that occurs when we look in a mirror exposes our self-image.   

Perhaps this is why it is good to spend time away from physical mirrors in order to reestablish our true identity.  Our most accurate reflection is discovered in the Word of God where we learn we are made in the image of God, and are created for a purpose.  Interestingly, the phrase “face to face” referenced in 1 Corinthians 13:12, is an idiom that describes scripture as the place where we encounter God; where our faces meet.  In this way, God becomes our mirror, and we are reminded He is the One who ultimately reveals “who we are” as opposed to the world, which so often defines us for its own purposes.  This brings us to the third dynamic between ourselves and the mirrors on our wall.

3. My mirror reflects what others see.  My mirror alerts me to shaving cream in my ear, disheveled hair and displaced shirt buttons.  Few of us want to leave the house in the morning without at least one peek in the mirror to see if we are put together. 

Unfortunately, we can become obsessed with how we look, and become depressed if we fail to meet society’s definition of “good looks”.  We can also feed our ego like the evil queen in Snow White who inquired, “Mirror, mirror on the wall; who is the fairest one of all?” 

What others see matters.  Proverbs 15:13 states, “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”  It is noteworthy that Cain’s countenance fell when God dismissed his offering.  “But on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So, Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?’” (Genesis 4:5-6) We are skilled at hiding our feelings, but sooner or later those who know us best will notice something is amiss.  I will add that years of “hard living” can permanently alter our appearance.  As Abraham Lincoln once said, “Everyone is responsible for how they look after the age of 40″.

The positive aspect of what others see is the feedback they provide.  More than one person has been uplifted or saved from trouble because someone who cared sensed something was “off”.  Years ago, I was navigating a stressful time in my ministry.  On a particular day I transitioned from performing a funeral to visiting a terminally ill church member in the hospital.  I felt called to be present for the church member, but everything in me wanted to go home and hide from the world.  I waited on the first floor of the hospital for the elevator to arrive, and when it opened, I hesitated. There was a young man with a beard and long hair standing inside.  He didn’t seem to be in a hurry to exit the elevator, but instead surveyed my face as I slowly stepped inside. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Hey man.  It’s going to be OK”, and walked out onto the floor.  The door to the elevator closed and I wept.  I have often wondered if this was a personal visit from Jesus, since the young man looked just like Him! (At least He looked like a painting or two I have seen).  Probably not.  But I do believe he was a messenger from God sent to confront my troubled heart and remind me I was not alone.

Thank God for people in our lives who lovingly tell us what they see.  He truly works in mysterious ways.    

4. My mirror helps me personally evaluate my well-being.  Although others notice when I am carrying a burden, my mirror can also force me to admit something is wrong.

When we are unusually tired, stressed or worried, it shows.  On these days, we can try to improve how we look, or we can just go back to bed.  We can also dismiss what we see and ignore the signs something in our lives needs attention.  We wrongly assume it is better to cover up or hide our struggles than uncover the truth.  It is possible the irregularities we find in our physical image in the mirror are indications of a serious spiritual malady.  Time in God’s Word can help us face our battles and seek healing, if we are willing to listen.  We are reminded of James’ words in James 1:23-24: “Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirrorand, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.”  

To be honest, I don’t always like what I see in the mirror.  Most days I can overlook these imperfections, sigh and walk away.  But I shouldn’t discount the possibility that deeper issues exist.  A few seconds in front of the mirror can alert me to a problem.  And most of all, coming face-to-face with God in His Word can help me see what He sees.  His reflection can lead to tremendous growth, if I am willing to change.   

My bathroom renovation project is complete and I have happily replaced my mirror.  My morning routine has been restored!  But I am still pondering the importance of a reflection.  If nothing more, I have added a question to my devotional time with God.  I now ask, “Am I staring at a blank wall, or seeking Your purpose for my life? Am I the reflection of Your glory you desire?” 

How about you?  What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Welcome to the last of three devotions focused on Easter’s “heavy things” in the gospel accounts.  Thus far, we have examined the heaviness of sin and the physical cross.  Today, we consider the “weight of the stone”; specifically, the stone that guards rolled across the opening to the tomb where Jesus was buried. 

The physical stone at the tomb is an interesting study.  Although most pictures of Jesus’ tomb (which was actually a borrowed tomb donated by Joseph of Arimathea) depict a round disk-shaped stone, many scholars believe it is more likely the stone was square or cork shaped.  This speculation is based on the facts that only the wealthiest citizens could afford a round stone, and the opinion that the Greek word “kulio” (rolled) can also be translated “moved away” or “dislodged” (which would not require a round disk shape).  Personally, I can accept that Joseph’s family may have had the resources to obtain a round stone, but I mention this as a possibility.    

What we are certain of is that Pilate gave the Pharisees and Chief Priests permission to put a seal on the stone.  He did so after they convinced him Jesus’ disciples might try to steal His body.  Such seals were formed with a cord and mud and were displayed to warn thieves they would pay a high price should they breach it.  Guards were also posted at the tomb for additional security. 

The general “take-a-way” in that the tomb was locked up tight.  The stone was heavy, the seal was intimidating and the guards were skilled.  It is hard to imagine anyone would attempt a body snatching. 

But a robbery was the least of the guards’ worries.  “After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.” (Matthew 28:1-4)

As we ponder the impenetrable nature of the tomb, and its miraculous opening, I would like to identify a few ways in which the removal of obstacles applies in our Christian walk.  Perhaps these were underlying messages on God’s mind when He planned the resurrection. 

Obstacle #1 – Adversaries:  Pilate, Herod, the Pharisees and chief priests who played a role in Jesus’ death, were soundly embarrassed by His resurrection.  The chief priests attempted to mitigate the damage by bribing the guards to spread a false rumor that the disciples had stolen Jesus’ body. They even promised the guards they would collaborate their lie if it was challenged by Pilate.  These desperate acts by Jesus’ accusers were almost comical.

But Jesus’ earthly adversaries cannot compare to Satan, the true enemy at the cross.  Assuming Satan is not omniscient (which I do not believe he is), he must have thought he had won when Jesus breathed His last.  However, we now know, this is the very moment Satan suffered his greatest defeat! Through His death, Jesus broke the power of sin and gave the world a means to escape the kingdom of darkness.  I have considered the possibility Satan might have celebrated during the hours after Jesus’ death.  In my warped imagination, I picture him reclining in an easy chair blowing smoke rings without the aid of a cigarette (Satan can do this) and relishing the thought of the stone-sealed tomb.  My imagination is possibly misguided, but if there is truth to the position Satan cannot predict the future, imagine how he reacted when the stone was rolled away and Jesus walked out alive.  Did he jump up and down, cursing God at the top of his lungs?  I’ll put this question on my “ask God” list for my first few months in heaven. 

Because the removal of the heavy stone proclaimed Jesus’ victory over Satan, we can share in His celebration.  Just as the tomb could not hold Jesus, sin cannot hold us.  “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus,in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:6-7) If you should ever feel trapped by your sins, remember Jesus has set you free.  You have been personally escorted from the tomb and raised from spiritual death.  Don’t look back.  The stone has been rolled away!

Obstacle #2 – Death: The most obvious obstacle removed by the rolling away of the heavy stone is death.  When the women arrived at the tomb on the first day of the week to properly prepare Jesus’ body for burial, they were shocked to find the stone had been moved.  On their way, they had wondered if someone would be available to open the tomb for them (Mark 16:3).  The “someone” turned out to be an angel with an appearance like lightning and clothes as white as snow.  He declared, “He is not here; he has risen!” (Matthew 28:6) I love the image of the angel sitting on the very stone that entombed our Savior.  Now, he was blowing smoke rings produced by ice crystals that formed as he zoomed down from heaven!  Ok.  No smoke rings for the angel.  But he was making a statement.  Just as the chains of sin had been broken at Calvary, the bonds of death had been removed at the tomb. 

As a result of the cross and the empty tomb we can claim victory over our old dead person of sin and eventually, physical death.  “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:4-7).  When you see pictures of the empty tomb this Easter Season, take a good look at the heavy stone (whether it is round or square), and pray a prayer of thanksgiving for the new life you have in Jesus.  Death could not hold Him.  Death cannot hold you!  “But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 5:7).

Obstacle #3 – Darkness: Perhaps you have seen paintings of the empty tomb from the inside out, accentuating the light from without (likely from the angel who appeared as lightning).  Yet, in Luke 24:4, we are told the women encountered two men while they were inside the tomb with clothes that gleamed like lightning.  The women were frightened and bowed before them.  If there was a light streaming in from the outside of the tomb, it was joined by the light within.  When the heavy stone sealed the tomb, the body of Jesus was in darkness.  Before daybreak the world was in darkness.  But when the stone was rolled away, there were bursts of light everywhere!  Literally and symbolically, Jesus had dispelled the darkness of sin and death and infused eternal light and life into the world. 

When we give our lives to Jesus, we begin to walk in His light.  As Jesus said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life” (John 8:12).  We will possibly have some dark days when the cares of this world overwhelm us or our human weaknesses lead us to sin.  But we will not “walk” in darkness.  The supernatural light of heaven which lit up the empty tomb assures us we have overcome the darkness through the grace of Jesus.

With these obstacles in mind, it excites me to envision a “before” and “after” scene in my mind. “Before”, there was fear and hopelessness as the world lived in darkness.  “After”, there was victory over Satan and the promise of new life.  Can you perform this spiritual aerobic exercise in your mind?  Heavy stone in place…heavy stone rolled away.  Fear…victory.  Death…life.  Darkness…light.  Before…after.  Before…after.  Before…after! Whew!

But no reason to feel exhausted because God did the “heavy lifting” for us through His Son.  This Easter, celebrate the heavy stone; the chiseled rock that stands as a testimony to our freedom.  With the tomb behind us and heaven before us, we live victoriously. 

The heavy things of Easter have been moved. 

Welcome to the second of three special Easter devotions focused on “Heavy Things” as they relate to Jesus’ death and resurrection.  Today, we consider the “weight of the cross” Jesus carried on His way to Calvary. 

In John’s gospel account we are told Jesus carried “His own cross” (John 19:17).  This was a common practice which intensified the public humiliation and shame of those being crucified.  Matthew, Mark and Luke tell us, as Jesus was paraded through the city, a soldier enlisted Simon the Cyrene to carry His cross.  Luke provides the additional detail that Simon remained “behind” Jesus.  We can surmise the soldier recruited Simon because Jesus was struggling due to His weakened condition, and it is possible he was directed to walk behind Jesus to highlight our Lord’s humiliation.     

Some have attempted to explain why Simon, in particular, was chosen.  The answer may be no more complicated than the fact that he happened to be in the crowd at a moment when Jesus stumbled under the weight of the cross.  Perhaps the soldier, frustrated at the slow pace of the procession, grabbed the first person who appeared to be strong enough to do the job. 

The cross Jesus carried has also been the subject of speculation.  It was standard procedure for those being crucified to only bear the cross-beam or “patibulum”.  Once they arrived at their destination, the cross-beam was raised up on a pole (“stipe”), which was a permanent fixture.  I do not mean to be unkind to those who carry crosses to demonstrate their faith, but the props I see these pilgrims carry seem considerably smaller than the ones historians believe were used by the Romans.  Certainly, Roman crosses weren’t equipped with little coaster wheels to make them easier to carry.  The cross beam alone was incredibly heavy, and Jesus’ apparent inability to carry it on His own was not only proof of its weight, but also the state of His suffering. 

Understandably, the weight of the cross has become a metaphor for the seriousness of sin (described in the first installment of this devotional series), since it provides a vivid picture of the burden Jesus carried in our stead.  It is also associated with Jesus’ statement, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).  With this connection in mind, I would like to share a few reflections to remind us of the significance of the weight of Jesus’ cross.

Reflection #1: Jesus said His disciples are characterized by “self-denial”.  Just as Jesus took on the form of a servant to win our salvation, we must learn to sacrifice self in our daily lives.  We cannot accept Jesus as our Savior and refuse to surrender to this fundament principle.  Perhaps you have heard these words from a classic hymn by Thomas Shepherd: “Must Jesus bear the cross alone, and all the world go free? No, there’s a cross for every one; and there’s a cross for me.”

Please don’t misunderstand.  Jesus doesn’t want us to exercise our faith in misery.  He also doesn’t need us to demean and degrade ourselves to prove our devotion.  This is not biblical self-denial.  Self-denial presumes we have immeasurable value to God, and important gifts to be used for His glory.  Yet, because of our redemption we choose to make our will subject to God’s will, even if our discernment of His calling requires sacrifice.  Our sacrifices may take many forms depending on our circumstances, but they are a part of the discipleship path.  The weight of the cross compels us to consider our steps in light of Jesus suffering.

Reflection #2: As we have seen, Luke alone informs us Simon walked behind Jesus.  I have suggested, the purpose of this may have been to keep the attention on Jesus’ humiliation.  It also kept the cross in close proximity to as a deterrent to anyone else who might dare challenge the Roman authorities.

At the risk of making too much of a detail, I believe there is value in comparing Simon’s position to ours.  Just as he carried a cross behind Jesus, we live out our faith in His shadow.  Peter once wrote, “”For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you should follow in his steps” (1 Peter 2:1).  The cross we have been asked to carry is not a status symbol.  Instead, it is an indication of our commitment to the One who saved us and our willingness to follow Him in every way.  How do we walk in Jesus’ shadow?  We do so when we fasten our eyes on Him daily in praise and adoration.  We walk in the shadow of His teaching and example as He holds the banner of our redemption and we move in His grace.  I love how the writer of Hebrews describes this relationship: “And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God” (Hebrews 12:1b-2).  Jesus marked our course, as He made His way to Calvary.  The pathway, stained with His own sweat and blood, is the same road we travel. 

Reflection #3: Finally, it is important to recognize, unlike other condemned individuals who carried their crosses, Jesus was not ultimately subject to His killers.  Just as He calmed the seas with a few simple words, “Quiet! Be still!” (Mark 4:39), Jesus had the power to abort His march toward death.  He could have destroyed His enemies in a fashion that would have made the violent climax of a Hollywood action thriller look like child’s play.  But this didn’t happen because Jesus was committed to our salvation. 

We must never take the weight of the cross for granted.  Whether we are thinking about the cross beam Jesus and Simon carried or the full assembly of the cross at Calvary, we need to appreciate and honor our Lord’s sacrifice with every breath we take, including the occasions when we gather with the church to celebrate the Lord’s Supper (1 Corinthians 11:26). 

Perhaps you have heard someone who was being unfairly treated say, “I don’t have to take this!” Nowhere has this statement ever been truer than in the case of Jesus’ crucifixion.  The only possible motivation behind Jesus’ willing sacrifice was His full and enduring love for us.  “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

How is God calling you to take up your cross today?  And what is your motivation?

Welcome to the first of three special Easter devotions focused on “Heavy Things” in the biblical accounts associated with and including the cross.  Today, we consider the “weight of sin” and its place in Jesus’ suffering. 

Christian music and literature are filled with references to the burden of sin Jesus carried.  Hymnwriter John Chapman wrote, “One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain, One day they nailed Him to die on the tree; Suffering anguish, despised and rejected; Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He.”  Perhaps you have heard this quote from the late Billy Graham: “The cross is the suffering love of God bearing the guilt of man’s sin, which alone is able to melt the sinner’s heart and bring him to repentance for salvation.”

The belief that Jesus bore our sins is basic to the gospel and one of the truths Christians hold to for their assurance of salvation.  While it may be unnecessary for us to comprehend every detail of what it was like for Jesus to be our sin Substitute, the effort we make to plumb the depth of this topic can be very rewarding.  As we approach our various Easter celebrations, let us consider these heavy things Jesus carried to save us from our sins.  

#1 Grief: As Jesus was approaching Jerusalem during the event we call, “The Triumphal Entry”, He grieved over the spiritual blindness of the nation of Israel.  “And when he drew near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, ‘Would that you, even you, had known on this day the things that make for peace! But now they are hidden from your eyes” (Luke 19:41-42). Spiritual blindness can take many forms, including the judgmentalism of the Pharisees who persecuted Jesus and the misguided morals of Herod Antipas who stole his brother’s wife and imprisoned John the Baptist for rebuking him.  One description of spiritual blindness is the inability to discern when our lives are out of sync with God’s heart and will.  The Pharisees did “right” things, but they did them for the wrong reason.  Herod did “wrong” things, and attempted to justify his behavior by eliminating his enemies.  Sin grieves Jesus, whether it is a matter of the heart or the will, and as He neared Jerusalem, the weight of sin’s impact on the human race brought tears to His eyes.  This was the beginning of a tear-stained week, culminating with Jesus’ death and resurrection. 

Sin always grieves Jesus, because it is an affront to His Father, and also because He is in a position to see lives come unraveled under Satan’s influence.  The benefit of recognizing this reality is that it can lead to life when we grieve over our own sins and come to repentance. 

#2 Rejection: I personally find it difficult to comprehend how Jesus felt when He was rejected.  He was human, and I imagine He was hurt by personal attacks.  Yet, He was divine and must have had a perfect sense of identity; the identity we sometimes doubt when we are despised.  Hebrews 4:12 tells us Jesus was tempted in every way as we are, but did not sin.  Perhaps we could say Jesus experienced every emotion we have when we feel rejected, but avoided sinful thoughts, words and actions.  Have you ever wondered how our Savior felt when His own hometown rejected Him (Luke 4:14-30)?  And were some of the spiritual leaders in the room where Jesus stood before the Sanhedrin the same ones who doted over Him as a boy of twelve in the temple (Luke 2:41-52)? Was this also the case with the leaders who mocked Him at Calvary?  And yet, Jesus did not sin.  Instead, He said “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).  But make no mistake.  This was a heavy burden to bear.  Jesus’ love moved Him to willingly accept rejection for the sake of our salvation.    

Have you ever felt the sting of rejection?  And were the people who rejected you people you loved?  If so, you are not alone.  Parents reject their children.  Children reject their parents.  Good friends turn on one another and members of our armed services sometimes become lightening-rods for those who disagree with our country’s military endeavors.  Knowing Jesus understands how we feel helps us maintain our character, and avoid the trap of allowing our wounded hearts to create a foothold for Satan.  With the Apostle Paul, we proclaim, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9).

#3 Pain: The pain inflicted during a Roman crucifixion was horrific, but it is important to note that Jesus’ physical torture began before He scaled the hill to Calvary.  In the Garden of Gethsemane He said, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matthew 26:38).  While the word “overwhelmed” can be subjective, in Jesus’ case His “sorrow to the point of death” was real.  The weight of the world’s sin was already crushing Jesus’ inner being; his emotions, his mind and his body.  There is a popular book titled, “The Body Keeps the Score” which addresses the physical consequences of trauma.  Jesus’ score was being tallied and the sheet was filling up fast!  Following His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was arrested, tried, mocked, beaten and made to carry His own cross. And all of this, presumably, without sleep or nourishment.  It has often been said that Jesus was half-dead before He was raised up on the cross.  The pain Jesus endured on our behalf was inconceivable.

If you are a follower of Jesus, you have likely been encouraged to consider Jesus’ pain as it relates to your personal sin.  The purpose for this association is to highlight the seriousness of sin and the fact that we are partially responsible for Jesus’ death on the cross.  While this approach needs to be balanced with grace and the truth that we are free from the burden of sin, it does have merit.  However, it is also good to consider the cumulative weight of the world’s sin as it fell on our Savior.  This includes the guilt incurred for transgressing God’s perfect law and the punishment we all deserve.  As some have said, “He got what we deserve (the wrath of God), and we get what He deserved (freedom).” What a heavy weight He bore!  And He did so that we might have our burdens lifted and experience a spiritual rebirth.

#4 Death: Finally, Jesus suffered death, which was the ultimate consequence of sin.  Because Jesus came in human form and His body had been tortured beyond its point of tolerance, He cried out, “Father, into Your hands I commit My spirit” and breathed His last.  Perhaps this moment was on Jesus’ mind when He told His disciples he had “sorrow to the point of death.”  It certainly was a part of the “cup” He prayed for His Father to take from Him, if that was His Father’s will.  Death is the final enemy, and for a time, it appeared it had won.  But, of course, we know death did not have the final say.  The heaviness of death that pressed down on Calvary was lifted three days later when Jesus rose from the tomb.  More on this in a later devotion!

Most of us have experienced the death of someone we love, and we recognize we will face physical death in the future, should Jesus tarry.  Death reminds us of many things, but as we meditate on the cross, it accentuates God’s love for us.  The tears that must have flowed from Mary’s cheeks, and the pain experienced by His disciples as a result of His death, speak to the unfathomable love God has for each of us.  He placed the full weight of sin on His Son, and watched Him suffer that we might escape the penalty of sin and receive salvation.

If you are experiencing the freedom of grace today, thank God for the heavy things Jesus endured.  And if you are being crushed by the burden of life, take heart!  Remember the lyrics to John Moore’s hymn, “Troubled soul, the Savior can see; every heartache and tear. Burdens are lifted At Calvary; Jesus is very near.” 

My wife and I are presently going through a common rite of passage for the recently retired.  We are opening boxes, rummaging through closets and crawling through our attic in an attempt to scale down the stuff we have collected throughout our lives.  In the process, we have discovered many items we forgot we had, and some we never knew we had and are clueless of their origin.    

In addition, we have been selling what we don’t want on eBay and Facebook Marketplace.  I have learned the fine art of scouring our neighbors’ garbage piles for boxes and bubble wrap to ensure our sales reach their destination undamaged. 

Scaling down can be hard since we often develop emotional attachments to our possessions.  I don’t consider myself to be a hoarder, but I am a “saver”.  The line between these two might be a fine one, but I assure you our home is neat and I am not in need of an intervention.  I just have boxes.  Lots of boxes.  Lots of boxes full of…Well, let’s call them treasures. 

During this journey I have developed some criteria to categorize what I want to save, sell, give away or toss.  I have also pondered ways in which my thought process might be transferable to other areas of my life.  I have decided to share them with you for your consideration (or amusement). 

Category 1: TRASH.  In material terms, this includes unusable items that are just taking up space.  Ink pens dry out, pieces affixed with glue come apart, glass becomes chipped and broken and bugs invade boxes and stain surfaces with excrement.  I apologize for this last rather graphic example.  But hey; it happens!  What I once thought I might need is rendered useless.  

The Apostle Paul once wrote about trash (or more specifically, excrement).  He noted he was from the tribe of Benjamin, a Pharisee of Pharisees, a Hebrew of Hebrews and a fierce persecutor of the church (Philippians 3:5-8).  But these accolades of the “flesh” were “a loss” (literally, animal dung) for the sake of knowing Jesus.  I am not suggesting my bug-stained keepsakes are as valuable as Paul’s pedigree, but I now am certain when something is broken and useless, it might as well be discarded.  This includes anything in my life I once thought I needed, but later discovered to be weighing me down.  What about you?  Do you have some bug-stained trash you need to ditch?   

Category 2: UNWANTED.  Items in this category change with life’s seasons.  The passing years impact what I consider important.  For example, over the years, I have collected Hot Wheels die-cast cars.  As a young boy, these $1.00 toys were an indulgence at a time when my parents had to be very careful with the family budget.  When I was older, and had a little extra cash of my own, I bought more Hot Wheels cars.  Many more.  Others discovered my passion and gave me cars as gifts and one of the highlights of my ministry was a Hot Wheels day I organized at our church, sponsored by Mattel.  Now, I am selling my stock, and am facing my emotional attachments head-on: “This car was from a County Clerk employee who took me to Woolworths to pick it out when she was terminally ill.  She died months later…keep!”  “This one is from a McDonald’s Happy Meal when my kids were small.  Not sure why it was never opened…It can go.” 

For me it is Hot Wheels.  For others it is something else.  Many things grow less important with time.  As we go through life, we should work through all of our boxes, real or symbolic, reevaluating what things are worth to us.  When I was in my forties, a wonderful man by the name of Reggie Epps, who is now deceased, asked me, “What do you want?  What does Larry Jones want?”  I can’t remember what I told him, but I have never stopped asking myself the same question.  And so, allow me to ask you, “What do you want?” If you find it, keep it.

Category 3: USEFUL.  I have several items I have kept because I thought they might be useful someday.  Now, I have determined “someday” has come, and I don’t need them.  I have decided to keep screws, nuts, extra car parts and a variety of tools that I use for DIY projects.  But stuff I will never use is being trashed, given away or sold online.    

I recall that Jesus’ disciples held onto a few possessions as long as they were useful.  Peter, Andrew, James and John still had their fishing boats after Jesus’ resurrection.  They likely passed them along to others when they became full-time “fishers of men”.  I also remember Peter’s trip to the home of Tabitha (Dorcas), where some widows showed him the clothes Tabitha she had made for them.  The clothes were a testimony to Tabitha’s generous heart, which was one of the reasons the widows were mourning her passing.  Fortunately, Tabitha’s sewing days weren’t over as Peter raised her from the dead.    

Although Jesus taught us our final home is in heaven, He also acknowledged there are things we need while we are here, such as food, drink and clothes (Matthew 6:25).  We should seek the kingdom first, while remembering that God knows we have practical needs.  I thank God for every item in my “useful” box and rejoice when His providence provides just the part that I need to avoid an expensive repair bill. 

Category 4: MEANINGFUL.  We likely all have a few saved possessions that hold meaning.  For me, this category includes photos (paper or digital), vacation souvenirs, heirlooms and newspaper clippings (Do you remember hardcopy newspapers?) I have a copy of the Indianapolis Star newspaper with the headline “PEACE”, commemorating the end of the Viet Nam Conflict.  As a fourteen year-old boy facing the possibility of the draft, I was deeply moved by the headline.  I have a couple of old books my father gave me from his ministry library.  He actually gave me hundreds of his books, many of which are out of print, but nearly all were lost in a fire that claimed our church building.  The two books aren’t in very good shape, but they remind me of my father’s loving gift.  They aren’t very useful, in a practical sense.  But they are meaningful.  Finally, my wife and I have kept a box of wedding memories, including planning calendars, programs, guest lists and a unity candle, and another box full of some of our children’s baby items.  These continue to have great meaning in both of our lives.

Jesus knew the importance of material things that hold meaning.  He initiated a supper with a cup and bread to commemorate His death on the cross.  And while Jesus didn’t leave behind a physical cross, He did give us an indelible description in His Word.  In response, we have recreated physical impressions of the cross.  Some church families also use a single communion cup to more accurately reflect the Lord’s Supper.  I have a large communion cup from a congregation where a famous historic event occurred in our church movement in the 1800s.  An elderly minister gave it to my father and he gave it to me.  It has meaning.

I encourage you to hang on to things that have deep meaning, or give them to someone who will treasure them, as well as their story.  Others may not want your meaningful things when you are gone, but that’s OK.  For now, they will keep you grounded in times of trouble, and remind you of the goodness of God.   

Category 5: POWERFUL.  I do not believe physical keepsakes have magical power, although I might have a rabbit’s foot in a box somewhere.  Alright!  I definitely have one!  But it isn’t a real rabbit’s foot and I don’t believe it has power.  However, I have kept a few possessions that touch me so deeply, they have the power to reset my perspective on life.  Examples include a file box full of cards and letters from brothers and sisters in Christ over fifty years of ministry.  I read them occasionally to remind me of ways God has worked.  I have audio and video recordings of my mother singing.  Through them, my mother can still comfort me as she sings, “Hold on my child; joy comes in the morning.”  I also have several Bibles, but the one that holds power is the small New Testament given to me after my baptism.  It marks the date as January 31, 1966.  When I open the back flap and remember the day I gave my life to Jesus, I am assured He is the One who gives me power.  He is my Victory!

Hopefully, we understand the stuff in our boxes is temporary.   One day someone else will own what we have or it will rest deep in a landfill.  Remember, this does not mean our keepsakes have no significance.  But in a country where people have so many possessions that they rent storage space to store what they can’t fit into their house; it makes sense to distinguish our trash from the things that hold meaning or power.  And if we do keep a few items, it is good to have a plan.  If we know exactly where they are, we can pull them out when we are a little down and need to hold “a few of our favorite things”.  We can leave them to future generations with a written history of why they are important.  And if they bring us joy, we can use them (such as my grandfather’s hat I wear when I work in the yard). 

Take time to appreciate and enjoy the things you choose to keep.  Otherwise, they are just taking up space.  In closing, I consider when the Apostle Paul asked Timothy to bring him a few important items while he was in prison.  His list included a cloak he left with Carpus in Troas, his books, and “especially” his parchments (1 Timothy 4:13).  These were useful to him in his circumstances, but I can’t help but think they also held meaning and it was encouraging to think he could hold them again.    

Keep what you want.  But know why.  And if you want to keep everything until you retire and then sort it out, don’t be ashamed.  I hear some people do.

Greek mythology gives us the famous story of Narcissus, a young man who was incredibly handsome.  In the myth, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water, although he thought he was looking at someone else.  In the 19^th century, psychiatrists began using the term “narcissism” to describe people who are excessively focused on themselves. 

While we may have a negative view of narcissism, Sigmund Freud believed it was a normal stage of human development.  Infants are self-absorbed and demanding for the sake of survival.  But as we grow older, we hopefully move away from self-centeredness and find value and meaning in others.  Those who do not appear to make this transition are considered to be “childish.” 

I personally don’t want to be seen as “childish” which is why, in the past, I would not have classified myself as narcissistic. Lately, I have concluded we all have a narcissistic part that can be activated by others.  Most manage this part effectively, but some adopt destructive behaviors and a few develop a Narcissistic Personality Disorder, in which their lives and relationships are controlled by their unhealthy sense of self-importance. 

I hesitate to use the term “healthy narcissism”, but I now believe it is wise to see this as something normal, and not necessarily damaging.  We might even use humor to expose this trait in each other; to hold each other accountable.  Well-timed and intentioned zingers such as “Who died and made you King?” or “It must be wonderful to always be right” can restore our perspective.

Recently, I have been pondering what might have been going on in Jesus’ mind when His disciples acted out their narcissism.  Consider the case of James and John who bore the nickname “Sons of Thunder”.  While we aren’t told who gave them this title or why, we gain some insight in the 9^th chapter of Luke.  Jesus had sent His disciples into a Samaritan village to announce His arrival, but when the town’s people learned their Master was on His way to Jerusalem, they rejected Him.  You may be aware there was some bad blood between Jews and Samaritans.  When James and John “saw this” they asked “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?”  Jesus rebuked them, and opted for another village.  It seems the Samaritans stirred James and John’s narcissism by disrespecting their sense of self-importance as followers of Jesus.  Jesus quickly redirected them. 

Another event involving James and John is recorded in Mark 10.  They approached Jesus to request seats on his right and left hand, which were preeminent positions of power in the political world.  Jesus replied, “You don’t know what you are asking” (Mark 10:38).  He knew, if they continued in His service they would face severe persecution.  Jesus continued, “Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?” James and John exclaimed, “We can.”  Did James and John fully understand the danger they would face as Jesus’ disciples?  Probably not.  But they weren’t going to let anyone accuse them of cowardice. 

James and John almost certainly engaged in arguments with the other disciples regarding who was the “greatest” in Jesus’ kingdom.  In Matthew 18:3, Jesus used the example of a child’s heart to demonstrate how His Father defined greatness.  In fairness to James and John, I should point out that narcissistic tendencies were evident in other disciples.  Some use the word “impulsive” to describe Peter, but narcissism also applies.  We witness it when he denied he was capable of denying Jesus.   

I place the disciples’ actions somewhere on the narcissistic scale between “healthy” and “destructive”, but not pathological.  The exception might be Judas, but we simply don’t know his rationale for stealing from the other disciples and selling Jesus out.  I realize not everyone may be willing to associate the disciples with narcissism.  I understand, yet my goal here is to demonstrate that it is only human to have our perceptions of self-importance ignite something inside.  This may occur in response to an unkind act, a feeling that we are being overlooked or disrespected or our personal perception that others view us as inferiors.  If you don’t see this in yourself, I challenge you to consider how you responded the last time you were unhappy with the way you were treated by a someone you were paying for a service. 

If you will travel with me in this proposition for a moment, I would like to address some possible ways we can prevent our narcissism from becoming an obstacle in our relationships.  I include our relationship with God in this statement.  I believe one great place to explore this discipline is in Jesus’ interactions with His disciples, along with some of His teaching to the same. 

Above all, Jesus countered narcissism with His example of humble servanthood and the wise management of His celebrity status.  If every anyone could rightly claim a high view of Himself, it was Jesus.  He was the Son of God, King of Kings and Lord of Lords.  Yet, Jesus, “Who, being in very natureGod, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very natureof a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:6-8) The question of how Jesus’ human nature might have tempted Him with narcissistic pursuits is an interesting one, which I will not explore here.  We can say Jesus did not sin and remained confident in His identity and mission.  With this in mind, let’s turn our attention to our Savior’s mentorship of His imperfect disciples with some anti-narcissistic tips:

Tip #1: Jesus refused to fuel His disciples’ negative behavior by overreacting to their misguided sense of importance, and frequently redirected them to more positive pursuits.   As I have noted, when James and John wanted to call fire down from heaven to destroy the Samaritan village, Jesus rebuked them and merely moved to another location.  He could have said, “How dare they!  Never mind the fire.  I’ll go in there myself and remind them who I am!  I’ll teach them to reject me!” By choosing a better path, Jesus avoided creating a wider rift between Himself and the Samaritans and provided His disciples with an important lesson in choosing their battles.

Jesus wasn’t running from conflict when He chose to go where He was welcome.  Rather, He was defusing a tense situation by focusing His disciples on His mission instead of historic grievances they had with the Samaritans.  We can do the same.  It is good to always ask, “How can I best serve the kingdom with my words and actions?”  When we put mission over resentment, we keep our narcissism in control, and move forward to a place where God is honored. 

Tip #2: Jesus was realistic about greatness. When James and John asked to sit at His right and left, Jesus challenged them to consider what their request would cost.  He asked them if they were willing to drink from the “cup”, which they may have assumed was a silver chalice used by important people.  Of course, Jesus was referring to the cup of suffering, such as the one He would drink from on the cross.  Had the disciples truly understood the sacrifices they would be called on to make, they might not have been as eager to have the chief seats in the kingdom.   

We often overestimate the rewards of human ambition.  I like to call this the “If only” syndrome.  “If only I had more opportunities.”  “If only I had more money.”  “If only someone would recognize my talent.”  “If only others would allow to be in their friendship circles.”  I am not suggesting these kinds of desires are always misguided.  We probably all know people who could have accomplished more with their life if they had received a little help from others.  However, as wise older Christians have told me, “Be careful what you pray for.”  It is easy to romanticize how our lives could be different “If only”, but maybe where we see ourselves is not where God wants us to be.  Yes, I believe in holding on to our dreams and not succumbing to those who play down our potential.  In fact, I will go so far as to say, “Shame on those who try to define our future!”  On the other hand, we must beware of narcissistic thinking that refuses to consider how God has wired us, ignores the advice of others and fails to accept the suffering we might have to endure to achieve our goals. 

Tip #3: Jesus chose servanthood over “one-upmanship”.  “One-upmanship” occurs when other’s accomplishments or blessings trigger our narcissistic traits and we feel compelled to describe our own good fortune, which happens to be greater than theirs.  When Jesus approached Peter in the Upper Room to wash his feet, Peter initially refused.  He said, “You will never wash my feet!” (John 13:8) I don’t see this as an act of humility, where Peter felt uncomfortable having his Master serve him.  Instead, I sense Peter didn’t want to see Jesus in a servant role because it diminished his own self-importance. If Jesus was made to appear smaller, then that meant Peter was even smaller.  When Jesus replied, “Unless I wash you, you have no part of me”, Peter immediately declared, “Not just my feet, but my hands and head as well!”  I think this was Peter’s way of saying, “If this is how you want to make a statement about my close association with you, then please; give me the treatment!” I will admit, this is a personal viewpoint on my part, but if it is true in the slightest, it explains how individuals can feel threatened when someone they idolize is criticized or humbled.

In Peter’s defense, he didn’t have the ability we have to look back on this event in the Upper Room and understand Jesus was preparing His disciples for His ultimate sacrificial gift on Calvary.  But we can certainly learn from what occurred.  It is OK to let someone else give us something we can’t give ourselves.  To be taught something we don’t know.  To hear a pearl of wisdom that never occurred to us.  And yes, to honor something important that is happening in someone else’s life.

There are many other examples in the Bible of situations where narcissistic feelings were stirred.  And allow me to reiterate: this is very human and not problematic unless our words and actions become destructive or pathological.  However, the one big lesson I take from my own battle with narcissism is that I can decide what I am going to do with my internal reactions.  I can be honest with myself about what is happening and ask God to help me lift up others, or I can fall into the habit of thinking I have to defend my sense of self-importance by proving what I know, how good I am, or how much I have accomplished.  My appeal here is that we would try to do the former.

I have a sneaking suspicion that some of the things we say and do in the name of personal opinion are nothing more than a reaction to a perceived attack on some impression we have of ourselves which may not be completely true.  I am not saying this is always the case, but rather that we should be suspicious why we behave the way we do.

I should add, in closing, that our true worth is not a result of realized human ambition, but the truth that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14) and of such value God sent His Son to die in our place.  We are made great through Jesus’ righteousness alone and our willingness to surrender our all to Him.

I honestly don’t know how Jesus was able to resist saying, “Excuse me!  Do you have any idea what a big deal I am in heaven?”  But instead, He picked up a towel and washed feet.  Maybe a little foot-washing would help all of us keep our narcissism in check.     

Are we friends?  At the risk of placing our relationship in peril, allow me to share some random thoughts on the subject. 

In the secular world, British Anthropologist Robin Dunbar is known for his “Circles of Friendship” in which he concludes the average human can only maintain 150 friendships.  Of these 50 are “good friends”, 15 are “best friends”, 5 are “close friends” and 1.5 are “intimates”.  Of course, in our culture, we can claim thousands of friends on Facebook, some of whom may be complete strangers.  We have workplace friends, business friends and the cashier who says “Thank you, my friend”.  Indeed, the question “Are we friends?” can be difficult to process.

Aside from these considerations, friendships can be fickle.  People speak of “ending” a friendship or learning who their “true” friends are when their lives fall apart.  You may also be aware of the practice of “catfishing” in which someone creates an online identity and pretends to be a friend to scam the unsuspecting.    

I have been pondering the subject of friendship in my ongoing fascination with human nature.  This in a culture that is becoming increasingly polarized.  And yes, I have personally felt the sting of broken friendships for reasons I still do not fully comprehend.

Considering these realities, we might ask why we bother with relationships.  Yet, in our better moments, we acknowledge it is because we are wired to share our lives with others.  From infancy to old age, we need friends.  This being the case, and since there are so many kinds of friends, I have decided to seek greater definition of friendship in a person; the person of Jesus.

I have heard about the friendship Jesus offers throughout my life.  A Christian hymn tells me “There’s Not a Friend Like the Lowly Jesus”, and another exclaims, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”.  A Children’s Minister once told me Jesus is my “Forever Friend”.  And in my work with the homeless, more than one has told me “Jesus is my only friend”.  This leads to the contemplate, “How does Jesus describe friendship?”

I begin my quest by noting that Jesus operates outside of Robin Dunbar’s Circles of Friendship model.  As the very Son of God and our Co-Creator, Jesus knows each and every one of us intimately.  During His ministry Jesus demonstrated His ability to read minds and motives, and His full knowledge of one’s past, present and future.  But because Jesus understood human limitations, He invited a small group of disciples to walk closely with Him.  This allowed them to journey together within Dunbar’s “good friends” circle, though based on their behavior toward one another we might not consider them as such. 

This leads to my first observation of friendship, as defined by Jesus.  Jesus expressed His friendship toward the twelve by sharing knowledge with them that was not ready for public consumption.  In the Upper Room, He described them as “branches” who were attached to Himself, the “Vine”.  As a result, He was willing to give them insights into His “business”.  In John 15:15, He stated, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you”.  Therefore, one vital characteristic of friendship, according to Jesus, is the ability to share information with people who will respect confidentiality and value what has been entrusted to them.  This means a friend is someone we can trust with our thoughts, dreams, struggles and victories. 

A second way in which Jesus proved friendship was through His love for sinners.  This category includes all of us, but in Jesus’ ministry it specifically referred to people who were cast aside by the religious elite due to the gravity of their sins or circumstances.  Even the blind and sick were shunned because it was believed their illnesses or impairments were a result of sin.  Jesus spoke to, touched and ate with these individuals, much to the displeasure of the Pharisees and Teachers of the Law.  He once observed, “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (Matthew 11:19). 

People who feel they have little worth desperately need someone to do as Jesus did.  To speak to them.  To touch them.  To eat with them.  The greatest gift we can give someone who believes God has rejected them is our attention.  Fully grasping our own sinfulness, and reach out in love to someone trying to find their way home, we display friendship.  I think this must be the kind of friendship Johnson Oatman Jr. had in mind when he wrote this verse in his hymn, “There’s Not a Friend Like the Lowly Jesus”: “Did ever saint find this Friend forsake him? No, not one! no, not one! Or sinner find that He would not take him? No, not one! no, not one!” There are countless people who need someone to remind them they have a friend in Jesus, and our own friendship is one way we can lead them in this direction.

Finally, Jesus said the ultimate expression of friendship is found in sacrifice.  Alluding to Himself, Jesus spoke these words to His disciples in the Upper Room: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).  In His statement, Jesus used the word for “agape”, which conveys sacrificial love.  Without doubt, His death on the cross for the sins of the world was the perfect expression of this love. 

While we do not have the authority to die for others’ sins, and we may never be called on to give up our lives for a friend, we can still “take up our cross daily” (John 9:23).  In so doing, we deny our own desires for the sake of another, and in the name of Jesus.  Sacrifice is a very personal act, but its impact on others can be dramatic.  If you have heard someone testify, “No one has ever done something like that for me”, then you know the power of sacrificial love, regardless of the level of self-denial. 

There are several other friendship points to be made in Jesus’ ministry, and a treasure trove of examples to be found throughout scripture.  But perhaps, this very brief glance at Jesus, our friend, will lead us to evaluate whether or not our concept of friendship has been negatively influenced by our environment.  If nothing else, it should dispel any notion that a Facebook friend is inherently similar to the friendship Jesus espoused.

I close by returning to the words of the homeless I shared at the beginning of this devotion.  I recalled those who have told me, “Jesus is my only friend”.  Sadly, this is often not a true statement as I know from experience people who feel forgotten by the world often have friends who care deeply about them.  Nevertheless, when one thinks there is nothing left in life and is caught up in a hopeless cycle of shame and sorrow, sometimes the only friend who comes to mind is the One he believes will listen when he cries out; the one who told the thief on the cross, “Today, you will be with me in Paradise.” 

I can’t tell you how to be a friend in every situation, but I can tell you where to start.  Start with Jesus.  “Jesus knows all about our struggles; He will guide ’til the day is done: There’s not a Friend like the lowly Jesus: No, not one! no, not one!”