storiesofvalue

Not every church family copes well with tragedy, often through no fault of its own.  Consider when Christ’s Bride made her grand entrance in Jerusalem on the Day of Pentecost.  The Jerusalem church, where disciples fellowshipped, broke bread, prayed and learned from the apostles, is still our model of a place where disciples are made (Acts 2:42).  Yet, the believers there were plagued with poverty.  Relentless persecution by the enemies of the cross slowly robbed people of their ability to provide a living for their families.  Before long there was nothing left to share, and the church became financially poor.  Things were so bad the apostle Paul organized a collection from other congregations to help.

Certainly God walks with His people through every situation.  However, a congregation’s ability to discern His will in difficult circumstances is impacted by the experience of its leaders and the maturity of its members.  It is hard to overemphasize the role these factors play when a church is in the process of recovery.  In a crisis people want to help.  They are filled with passion and are willing to be used in extraordinary ways.  But some lose focus, and others come with strong opinions or limited perspectives.  Without guidance, well-intentioned people can do more harm than good, and those with selfish ambitions can exploit the confusion of those around them for personal gain.

In addition, material resources, or the lack thereof can open or close doors to the future.  When the church I serve had a major fire a few years ago we relied heavily on an insurance payout for the tools we needed to continue our ministry and to establish a fund for our future facility.  Without this settlement, our recovery would have been severely hampered.  Although we knew God was with us, I would not have wanted to face our circumstances without a bank account to draw on.

I hope I haven’t discouraged you.  But when it comes to church tragedies, I have learned the demons that work to undermine the work of the Lord are relentless.  Satan isn’t ashamed to use our suffering as a foothold for sin, and our hard work in the midst of a trial only serves to make him try harder.  The church at Jerusalem reminds us even great leaders and dedicated believers don’t protect us from this evil.

Tragic stuff happens.  The Bride of Christ can stay pure in the midst of it, but her circumstances can get messy.  Life isn’t fair, and it often doesn’t favor God’s own.  I can’t explain why.  I only know it to be true.

Tragic Stuff

In the year 2008 I experienced the most painful season to date in ministry.  For several months I had been walking with some staff members through some significant personal trials.  We were all weary, and I was convinced I was nearing my limits as a leader and friend.  Then early one morning I was praying with my Thursday morning men’s Bible study when bad went to worse.

My cell phone rang and a frantic voice on the other end was crying for help.  It took a moment for me to process what was going on, but within seconds I was in my car and on my way to the home of our worship minister Paul Tucker.  Paul had died in the night of a catastrophic hemorrhage, and his wife and son had just awakened to the discovery.

There are some events in the life of a church family that are nearly impossible to prepare for, and this was one of them.  I will never forget watching the funeral directors place my friend’s body in the back of their van.  As I stood on his front porch I was lost in my thoughts and doubted I possessed enough wisdom and strength for the days ahead.

Three days later I was sitting in our Family Life Center as our Praise Team practiced for Paul’s funeral.  The voices of the singers comforted me while I made some last-minute changes to my funeral message.  When my cell phone lit up with a call from an “unknown” number, I almost ignored it since I couldn’t imagine there was anything more important than what I was doing at that moment.  I was wrong.  A husband and father in our church family had been in a terrible motorcycle accident, and hadn’t regained consciousness.  One week later I was sitting in the Family Life Center again preparing for his funeral.

I look back on this tragic time in the life of our church, with two staff members already hurting, a third taken from us, and the loss of the father as a result of an accident, and I am still not sure how we survived.  Please don’t get me wrong.  I am convinced God is the One who carried us through.  I just don’t know how.  It certainly wasn’t through me, because my heart was as shattered as it could possibly be.  I wanted to help those whose lives had been crushed by their circumstances, but I felt woefully ill-equipped to make a difference.  To this day I can’t think about these dark days without breaking down.

But with God’s help we did survive, and in many ways thrive.  Christ’s Bride rose from her couch of mourning, reclaimed her composure and glowed with beauty for the whole world to see.  We will talk more about this amazing resilience later after we finish our examination of holy messes.

The thing to keep in mind when it comes to all unholy messes in the church is that they are rarely random.  Satan has a lot of faults, but authoring poor strategies is not one of them.  Nowhere is this truer than with the moral mischief that turns Christ’s beautiful Bride into an object of ridicule.  Churches don’t program for sin, but its individual members will invariably find themselves ensnared by it, and Satan’s work in one part of Christ’s body is difficult to contain.

Bad stuff is uniquely designed to stop the ministry of the church in its tracks.  It not only looks bad, but it spreads quickly.  Several years ago a dynamic congregation in a city where I lived was rocked with a damaging scandal.  A key leader in the church was caught in a nearby city soliciting a prostitute.  The leader was immediately released from his position and the wounded membership did their best to regroup and move forward.   Sadly, the church never recovered.  The members changed the church’s name, but the community never forgot, and after several years of steady decline the congregation disbanded and the property went up for sale.

Mature believers who understand the deceitfulness of the human heart are usually able to move beyond these tragedies and find a new place to worship, serve and grow.  But there are some who never recover and even those who do find a new church home are often so wounded they find it very difficult to form close relationships with others.

The most troublesome victims of a moral meltdown in a church are those who were just beginning their journey.  These are the families who overcame years of distrusting religious people and finally agreed to attend a church service with a Christian neighbor.  They include the guests who just moved to town and decided to make the Lord’s people a priority for the first time in their lives.  They are the children who are too young to understand why the adults around them are in such turmoil, but will remember one of the most hurtful times in their lives took place in the church.

I have always thought it healthy to work through some of the same scenarios in our church families as we do in our core families.  Have you ever walked with someone through the heart-wrenching experience of marital infidelity?  If so, you may have witnessed the look of shock on the face of a spouse who has just discovered the betrayal.  Maybe you fell into Satan’s trap and had to inform the one you pledged your life to of your own sin.  If this is the case, I pray God has restored your marriage, but regardless, if you have been through this painful revelation you don’t ever want to experience it again.

The church building where my wife and I were married didn’t have a foyer.  Brides prepared in a Sunday School room and walked down an outdoor sidewalk that led to the back of the sanctuary.  Our biggest fear the day of our wedding was rain.  Jane didn’t want to spend all day getting ready for her walk down the aisle, only to be drenched in a storm at the last minute.  Personally, I think she would have looked just fine with wet hair and water running down her face, but I know that isn’t what she had in mind for her wedding day.

I believe Christ’s Bride is beautiful to Him, even in her most disorderly, disgraced state.  Yet, He surely weeps over her when she fails.  He sees her suffer from self-imposed pain, and though He covers her with grace, He shares in the disappointment of missed kingdom opportunities.  Later we will see how Christ can use His Bride’s failures for His own glory, but bad stuff is still dreadful.  We must avoid it at all costs.

Bad Stuff

If we are in Christ, we are a part of His holy Bride, made clean by His blood.  We still sin, but when we do we are covered by grace.  The Apostle John left us these reassuring words: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

Yet, it should not be our desire to sin.  The price Jesus paid for His Bride is perhaps the best reason to avoid the very thing that caused Him such pain.  This makes the existence of “bad stuff” in the church all the more troubling.

Bad stuff involves the purposeful sins Christians commit.  These stand in such sharp contrast to the character of Christ, others can’t help but notice.  I am not suggesting there is such a thing as a “not so bad” sin.  However, some sins are clearly more destructive to the health and well-being of the church.

In Acts 5 there is an account of two disciples named Ananias and Sapphira who misrepresented their charitable contributions.  They sold a piece of property, held back some of the profit and gave the rest to the apostles.  The decision to keep some of the money for their personal use was not a problem, until they told the disciples their gift to the church included everything.  We don’t know for sure what the motivation was behind Ananias and Sapphira’s big lie, but it is highly possible they were obsessively concerned about their public image.  A man named Barnabas had just sold some property and given all of the proceeds to the church, and perhaps they didn’t want to be outdone.  Unfortunately, lying to an apostle was tantamount to lying to the Holy Spirit, and both Ananias and Sapphira were struck dead.  That’s some bad stuff.

Years later, the Apostle Paul wrote a letter to the church at Corinth to confront some ungodly behavior.  His harshest words were directed at a man who was having an immoral sexual affair with his step-mother (1 Cor. 5:1), and some members of the church who seemed proud of their permissive spirit.  Paul directed the church to part ways with the immoral man in hopes the separation would lead him to search his soul and repent.  Bad stuff does bad things to people.

One doesn’t have to look hard to find more bad stuff in the church through the centuries.  The Crusades and the persecution of church Reformers are embarrassing examples from the distant past, while televangelist scandals and child abuse cases have kept the tabloids in business in more recent times.  While I am in complete agreement with those who say the contribution of the church to society has been mostly good, the darker times leave a much greater impression on the world.  For those who are already looking for a good reason to disregard God’s will, bad stuff gives them the ammunition they need.

Stupid stuff exists in the church because we often fail to realize conflict resolution is a skill.  We are also good at over-spiritualizing events in our lives, leading us to use biblical truths and religious practices as justification for bad behavior.  For example, if someone were to interpret the spiritual gift of discernment as the supernatural ability to read peoples’ minds and hearts, he might claim to know what others are thinking and feeling.  It’s hard to work out a mutual resolution with someone who believes he has the wisdom of God.  Of course, the gift of discernment is really about being able to identify false teaching, but like so many spiritual subjects, it is frequently hijacked for personal use.

Although I have spent time here clarifying how poor conflict management leads to stupid stuff, my real intend is to be mindful of the role these digressions play in turning people away from Christ’s Bride.  A fighting bride is not pretty.  Imagine how people would squirm in their seats if a bride came down the aisle screaming at her father and bickering at a distance with her groom over something that didn’t meet her approval.

Throughout my life I have talked with people who remembered their family leaving a church in the middle of a congregational spat over a preacher, program or expense.  They might have been too young to know the details, but they were aware something hurt their parents deeply and led them to give up on the church.  I have also wept with people who love their church family, but have decided to leave because the endless infighting between members is starting to impede their ability to worship.

Christ’s Bride is beautiful by nature, but conflict makes her very unattractive.  It stains her reputation in the community and causes people who might want to know her under different circumstances to stay away.  This may be the most disheartening aspect of all when it comes to stupid stuff.  When the Lord’s people don’t learn to settle their differences, souls are lost.  I know there are those who might disagree with this statement on the grounds that the church doesn’t actually save people, but rather is the agent leading them to God’s grace.  Yet, I am convinced when others reject grace because we seem incapable of showing it we share responsibility for their lost state.  Stupid stuff sends people to hell!  Good conflict management isn’t just a matter of keeping the peace.  It is necessary if we want to the Bride to look her best to a lost and dying world.

Stupid Stuff

When people act without thinking, they can cause irreparable harm to themselves and others.  Nowhere is this truer than in the area of conflict management.

Several years ago my father, who was a preaching minister, witnessed a family feud at a wedding rehearsal.  The bride had fired her sister as her maid of honor and given the role to a friend instead.  To make matters worse, the sister didn’t find out about the change until she arrived at the church building on the night of the rehearsal.  The first indication my father had there was a problem was the sound of a police siren in the parking lot where the bride and her sister had gone to grab some decorations out of a van.  The policeman had been driving by the parking lot when he saw the sisters tumbling out of the van, pulling one another’s hair and swinging wildly with their arms.  By the time my father walked out of the chapel the struggle was over and the two sisters were stationed at opposite ends of the van screaming at one another.  Needless to say, the rest of the wedding weekend was a bit tense.

I would put this bizarre incident in the category of “stupid stuff.”  Stupid stuff happens when people allow normal human conflict to spiral out of control.  The fight at my father’s rehearsal could have been averted if the bride had addressed the issue in advance.  It was unwise for the sisters to walk to the van together, and there is little doubt they both knew what was going to transpire between them.

Ironically, my father used to teach a course on conflict management.  He believed organizations and churches weren’t a whole lot different from families when it comes to resolving differences.  One of his favorite lines was, “If some families don’t have something to fight about, they will create something!”  My father knew what he was talking about.

I think one could also say, “Some families choose not to fight and look for creative ways handle conflict.”  But don’t take my word for it.

In Matthew 18:15-17, Jesus gave us a formula for conflict management long before corporate conventions and leadership seminars.  If a brother sins against us we should discuss the matter with him in private in an effort to reconcile.  If he refuses to listen we should take one or two others with us as witnesses, presumably to make a bigger impression.  If we are unable to bring about change with these first two steps Jesus directs us to bring the brother who has sinned against us before the church in a final attempt at resolution.  There is some debate as to whether this last step refers to church leaders or an entire congregation and whether Jesus was using the context of the synagogue or the Christian church to come.  Yet, the principles He uses apply regardless.  Brothers (and sisters) in the Lord should not rush to fight.  Instead, they should do everything possible to address their differences at a low-level of conflict in an effort to contain the controversy and avoid drawing bystanders into the fray.

In the church family I serve I have a rule.  If someone comes to me with a conflict with another church member I ask if he has tried to resolve the issue through a private conversation.  If he says no, I tell him he needs to do so before involving others.  If the same member returns with another complaint I ask him if he followed through on the private conversation.  If he says no, I tell him I don’t want to hear anything else about the matter until he takes personal responsibility for a resolution.  The only exception to this rule is when I sense someone is in physical danger or is being bullied by an habitual offender.  It is amazing how much less conflict a church family has when people are forced to work problems out themselves, and how much less gossip exists when people know they can’t rally others to their side with half-truths and selective information.

In a sense, the mess is purposeful.  The church has always been a place where people with problems come to find God’s grace.  Since the soul’s healing process takes time, we should not be surprised when people who worship Christ do unchristian things.

The ministry of mainstream congregations has also changed over the years to mend brokenness in a context of faith.  This has always been the mission, but in recent years organized outreach to people entangled in addictions and other destructive lifestyles has become commonplace in the church.  Not all of those who attend have left their old lives behind, but they are welcomed and loved in the hope the Holy Spirit will move in their hearts through the teaching of God’s Word and the nurturing attitude of His people.

If these circumstances defined the extent of the mess, the outside world might be more gracious in its perceptions.  Unfortunately, this is not the case.  More than one church has been forever stained by the actions of those who know better.

If you were to ask some believers in Christ why they don’t attend church, or non-believers why they dislike the church, their answers might sound surprisingly similar.  They might tell you the church is full of hypocrites who spend more time judging than loving.  They will likely reference the sins of the church against its members and its neighbors.  And there is a good chance they will have a story or two of how they have personally been hurt by those who claimed to love the Lord.

I don’t believe for a moment those who think these things are totally correct in their assessments.   But I cannot pretend they are totally wrong either.  I am not even able to definitively say if one of these options is more accurate than the other since I have no way of knowing everything that has truly transpired between God’s people and the lives they have impacted.

This leaves me with only one honest appraisal: the church has messed up.  Don’t misunderstand.  She has not lost her place as Christ’s Bride, and she is still clothed with His grace.  But I must admit to myself the world doesn’t see the church through the eyes of grace, or even through the personal bias of its members.  We need to pursue this truth further in order to fully understand the scope of the problem.

The Holy Mess

The vast majority of weddings I have participated in have gone well, but I will never forget the exception.  When a staff member left a church I was serving, we failed to coordinate one of his wedding commitments with our church calendar.  A month before the wedding the bride’s mother called, which was our first clue we had a problem.  We had two weddings scheduled at our facility on the same day, and at the same time.

After we worked through the initial shock with both wedding parties, we arranged for their ceremonies to take place in two different locations at our facility.  Fortunately, we had a large sanctuary and a chapel, which were both quite adequate.  Since one of the weddings was on our calendar and a minister had already been chosen, I agreed to take the other one.  Of course, none of the families involved appreciated the fact they were going to be sharing some common space on their big day, and it was a bit strange to realize we were going to have two limousines in our parking lot, as well as two farewells, complete with rice.  But we worked through it.

Then on the evening before the wedding day I received a desperate call from a local funeral director.  A man had committed suicide and his family needed a preacher at the last-minute to say a few words at his service.  They didn’t have time to meet with me, but only requested that I keep it short and not say anything about the circumstances surrounding his death.  I showed up Saturday morning for the funeral and had an opportunity to minister to the family and offer some words of comfort.  I had one hour to drive from the funeral home to our church facility and begin the final countdown to my wedding.

All went well until it was time for the vows.  In my haste and scattered state of mind I had mistakenly written the name of man whose funeral I had preached into my wedding notes.  I began, “Do you…?”  It didn’t go well.  The groom shook his head “no” and the bride looked at me in horror.  I actually had to look at the wedding program in the leaf of my Bible to get reoriented.  I repeated the correct name and tossed out a light joke (no one laughed), and in twenty minutes I was in my car and on my way home.  Needless to say the family using our facility did not become regular worshippers with our church family.  They were, however, very gracious, considering the mistakes we made.

This wedding day was a bit of a mess, but at least it was understandable.  Unfortunately, some of the messes we experience as the Bride of Christ have no explanation and a few are downright inexcusable.  They are made worse when they take place in clear view of non-believers.

Our most visible sins have become a common topic of conversation throughout the world.  It is hard to live down religious wars, the torture and murder of church reformers, sexual abuse by the clergy, scams, scandals and bigotry.  Of course Christ’s Bride is not the only perpetrator of these acts, but she is arguably the most derided.

Christ never promised His church would be perfect.  Had He wanted perfection He might have used a different criteria for His disciples.  But He did promise the gates of Hades would not prevail against His Bride.  Amazingly, after hundreds of years of abuse and self-destructive behavior, she is still here.

…But we know our faithfulness involves more than mere spiritual survival.

We also have a mission. The Bride reflects Christ’s glory when she shares His grace with others.  In a purely human relationship a bride would not dream of sharing her groom with others, and she would likely break off her engagement if she believed her husband felt differently.  Yet, Christ’s Bride is a collective entity representing a vast multitude.  She has been commanded to invite others to join with her in her walk with the Savior.

Our mission and our desire to honor Christ with our lives is inseparable.  We are the salt of the earth and the light of the world, but we are useless if we lose our saltiness (Matthew 5:13) or hide our light under a bushel (Matthew 5:14-16). If others see Christ in us, they will be drawn to Him, and hopefully on the final day they will come into His presence with us.

As we prepare we want to be faithful in keeping ourselves for Christ alone, unstained by the world.  At the same time we want to be faithful in remembering Christ is not for us alone, and that He has asked us to bring as many as possible into contact with His grace.  This “alone, but not alone” dynamic is echoed in the Apostle Paul’s description of the church: “Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” (1 Corinthians 12:27)

We love the church, but not nearly so much as He does.  If He died to make His Bride holy, we must all find a way to let everyone see His glory in her.  And why wouldn’t we?  We are the Bride of Christ.  But, I will concede she isn’t always the reflection of holiness our Lord intended.  In our next section we will reflect on this unfortunate truth.

We certainly should not prepare by pretending to be someone we are not.  A bride wants to be beautiful on her wedding day, but she and her groom are both aware of her imperfections. He loves her anyway, and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.  She in turn loves him and places her very life in his hands.

In the case of our relationship with Jesus, He is perfect and we are flawed.  Yet, He loves us.  Jesus knows our sinful past but He sees us through our present reality, clothed in grace and glowing in love.  Our daily trials are producing perseverance and we bear other spiritual fruit in our maturing process.

Perhaps when the Bride appears before Jesus on the final day, she will take His breath away; not because she has become perfect, but rather because she will radiate His perfection even as she is sanctified by His blood.  When Jesus beholds His Bride He will see a reflection of Himself, and that will bring Him joy.

As we prepare for the wedding feast we want the brilliance of the Savior, our hope of glory, to shine through us (Colossians 1:27).  We also want those around us to experience His transforming power.  With the Apostle Paul “We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ” (Colossians 1:28).

Therefore, until that day comes, we should ready ourselves by deepening our devotion to the Groom.  He made it possible for us to appear blameless before His Father, and His grace continues to flow into and through our lives in the midst of a fallen world.