As I near the end of my second year of chaplaincy ministry, and the first following my year-long residency at a local Veteran’s Medical Center, I am processing my experience and lessons learned.  It seems beneficial to record my thoughts for the sake of conversation and perspective.

Currently, I serve a faith-based hospital chain in four locations (Bon Secours).  I am scheduled for “on-call” ministry from the moment full-time chaplains leave the hospital at 4:30pm through 8:00am the next morning when they return.  On weekends I fill 24 hour “on-call” time slots.  In addition, I accept “on-site” day shifts for full-time chaplains when they are ill or traveling. 

When I am “on-call”, I am notified of a need through an app and travel to the hospital to be with patients and/or family members.  The majority of my “on-call” requests are for dying patients or those whose loved ones are in the process of dying or have passed away.  Other needs include patients who are inconsolable in the face of a crisis, those who ask for a chaplain to help them process matters of faith and medical care team members who need encouragement.  My “on-site” day shifts are focused on some of the situations I have described above, but they are primarily focused on “rounds” in which I visit inpatients to assess their well-being, assist with Advanced Medical Directives, and support loved ones. 

Patient visits require collaboration with the medical team and documentation in the hospital’s digital medical record system.  In addition, our chaplain team has a log for the purpose of peer evaluation and follow-up.  As an employee, I report to the Spiritual Care Director and have various responsibilities to my team as we coordinate our efforts. 

While deceased patients comprise the majority of my evening “on-call” responses, these vary in their level of intensity.  My most challenging calls involve fetal demise and unexpected medical events resulting in death. 

Chaplaincy has been fulfilling, meaningful and, at times, trying.  I feel blessed with an opportunity to continue a ministry of compassion after 47 years in local church leadership.  The following discoveries, which I choose to share, have enriched my sense of calling and deepened my understand of God’s providential hand. 

Discovery #1: God works through presence. 

Presence is one of the most valuable gifts any of us have to offer.  While it is true we cannot always be physically present with others when they pass through a dark valley, a phone call or online video chat can be a life-saver.    

God has always placed a high premium on presence.  After Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, they heard “the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day” (Genesis 3:8).  While this was not a welcomed visit, it shows God’s unshakable desire to draw near to His creation.  In the wilderness, God made His presence known through a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night (Exodus 13:21).  When the prophet Elijah was on the run from Ahab and Jezebel, God came to him in a “whisper” (1 Kings 19:12).  And, of course, God’s ultimate expression of presence came in the form of His Son Jesus, “God with us” (Matthew 1:23), followed by the indwelling Holy Spirit.  God has made Himself known in other ways, such as through angels and the written Word.  He is, indeed omnipresent and His providence is constantly at work. 

Unfortunately, as humans we cannot be everywhere at once, although some are held to this impossible expectation.  However, we can represent the grace of God where we are, and as the Lord’s collective church, be in a multitude of places at once.  In this, we can point people to the One who will never leave or forsake them. 

This is how I have seen God working through me in my time as a chaplain.  He uses my imperfect efforts, together with that of others on our care team, to remind those facing challenges they are not alone.  Recently, I stood with a family in a cubicle as nurses disconnected their loved one’s life-support to prepare for an organ procurement.  Under Virginia state law, if a patient doesn’t die within ninety minutes, the medical team is required to restore life-support.  The patient was still breathing after the allotted time and he was reconnected to life-support.  Ten minutes after returning to his room, he passed away, and the delay in procurement rendered the organs unsuitable for donation.  His family members understandably said, “this is the hardest thing we have ever done.”  Apart from my prayer, I only spoke once or twice as this event unfolded.  But the family thanked me several times for being present. 

We often surmise if we don’t say anything, we aren’t helping.  Certainly, there are situations where we might speak, perhaps even referencing scripture, singing or recalling appropriate biblical truths.  But if my frequent calls to the side of dying patients have taught me anything, it is that there is strength in the simple knowledge others are with us when we face trouble.  I would recommend that none of us ever let not knowing what to say keep us from showing up for others.  In fact, it is possible knowing where to be and when to be there is more valuable than knowing what to say. 

Discovery #2: God works through listening.

I may not always know what to say when I am with a patient or family in crisis.  But I do well to remember what not to say.  I don’t need to answer the perplexing question of “why”?  “Why did my loved one die?”  “Why am I suffering”?  I don’t need to judge.  I recently responded to a patient in distress who was heart-broken because someone told her daughter she had a miscarriage because she had become pregnant out of wedlock.  The daughter vowed never to darken the doors of a church again.  We simply don’t have enough insight into God’s plan to make such statements. 

Knowing what not to say is applicable in any situation.  Perhaps you have tried to share something personal with another individual, only to have him refocus the conversation on himself.  Or you have attempted to celebrate an experience and had your enthusiasm dampened by someone who wanted to impress you with his own exploits.      

We don’t have to say everything we are thinking and we don’t have to prove how much we know.  Often, the people we are in conversation with simply want to be heard.  When others listen to them, it validates them and gives them a voice.  Other times people in pain need to know there is someone with them who hears their cries.  A few months ago, I was standing outside of an emergency room, around midnight, with a father whose daughter had died following a seizure.  The father called out to God and clinched his fists.  He shook for two hours until he was led to a car by family members. 

There is a good chance the father in this story won’t remember my name.  He may not remember much at all about that dreadful night.  Yet, I am convinced having a human being nearby who could hear his conversation with God and hold his hand as he shook, was critical.  After all, when we care for people in need, it isn’t vital that they recall some great thing we said or did.  What they need is the knowledge their words are not falling on deaf ears.  Of course, God hears them, but He has asked us to be His ears on earth where others are hurting.

Discovery #3: God works through collaboration.

In my Clinical Pastoral Education courses, my supervisors stressed the importance of collaboration with the care team.  Depending on the situation, this might include doctors, physician’s assistants, nurses, psychiatrics, aids and others.  When I am on night shift chaplain’s duty, my calls to respond to a patient’s need usually comes from a nurse who is assigned to the case.  The nurse fills me in on the circumstances and gives me an insight into any family dynamics that might be relevant before I arrive.  After I arrive, doctors and other professionals update me and offer guidance to help me offer the best possible care.  And in the event of a death, our entire team works together to comfort and assist family members. 

During my forty-seven years of local church ministry, there was also collaboration.  Ministry staff members, elders, deacons, Community Group members, Sunday School classes and a network of Christian friends reached out to those in need.  This was accomplished through meal trains, funeral receptions, contributions to medical funds and physical work at places of residence.  The church, by its very nature, is the image of collaboration, as the “holy priesthood” comes together to represent the love and grace of Jesus (1 Peter 2:5). 

Often, my job as chaplain during a hospital emergency, is to sit with family members and help them cope while the medical team strives to save their loved one’s life.  Sometimes I am aware of realities I am not at liberty to share, but normally I sit in the proverbial dark with them until the doctor comes with an update.  In one tragic case, I held onto a mother and father in an emergency room as we watched doctors try to save their ten-year old son.  I am not certain this was a healthy situation, but the parents insisted on being present, and my ministry was to keep them calm and comforted while doctors and nurses did their part.  After two hours, their son went into cardiac arrest and the mother began to faint, which made it necessary for us to escort both parents out of the room.  The child did not survive.  Our team was emotionally impacted, but we each played a role in helping the parents endure their worst nightmare. 

One of the best questions we can ask when we reach out to others in need is, “what is the best way I can help?”  We might pose this question directly to those who are hurting, or offer our assistance to someone closely connected to the situation.  We shouldn’t be disappointed if we aren’t needed, or if the place we are needed isn’t where we thought we would be.  If we are sincere in helping, none of these things matter.  What does matter is that we are willing to fill a role that makes a difference. 

Recently, I asked a good friend who’s loved is suffering what I could do to help.  At the time I made the call, I was sitting under a tree with my wife on an excursion out of town.  My friend said, “I’ll tell you what you can do.  You can sit under that tree with Jane and treasure every moment you have with her.”  And so, that’s what I did.  We can’t anticipate how God might use us, but if we are willing, He will show us what to do. 

Discovery #4: God works through family.

Finally, I have come to have a greater appreciation for the role family plays in a time of crisis.  Family members are not always present when I respond to a call from the hospital.  Some patients die unexpectedly and others have no family or their family members are enroute.  But more times than not, when I arrive, I find family.  It isn’t uncommon to wait for hours for every family member to arrive at their loved one’s bedside to say goodbye.  I try to stay until everyone has arrived, at which time I gather the family in a circle around their deceased loved one to pray. 

Then I step out.  While people appreciate my presence and prayers as the chaplain, they often save their deepest grief for the moment when they are alone as a family; when the entire team has left the room and they are left together with their loved one.  I hear their cries at a distance, and I thank God for the strength of family. 

Yes, I have encountered some highly dysfunctional situations.  I have seen children and step-parents argue over who makes legal decisions, family members who refuse to be in the room until others leave, and a few who have no family to manage their affairs due to estrangement.  But this is rare, and even when dysfunctions do exist, most family members put their grievances aside to avoid dishonoring their loved one.  Apart from God, and the care team, no other force is as critical as family. 

If you don’t have family, or your family lives elsewhere, I want to remind you God has given you another family in the form of His church.  In Ephesians 2:19, the Apostle Paul reminded us we are members of God’s “household.”  Brothers and sisters in Christ reside in a residence of grace.  We rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).  Don’t hesitate to call on your church family in a time of need.  Be honest about how your spiritual brothers and sisters can help.  As the church, be sure to provide a safe place where those who are in pain can speak freely without condemnation.  And be present.

In some ways, my second year of chaplaincy is not much different than my years in local church ministry.  In other ways, it is very different.  The similarities involve the things we all need.  We all need people to be present and listen.  And care happens best when we are surrounded by a team or people we count as family.  The contrasts are seen in my new role.  In chaplaincy I have a defined role for which I have been trained.  Every situation is different, but I am there to offer spiritual care as needed.  In the church, ministers wear many hats.  In chaplaincy, I am usually present as a patient is dying, or moments after a death.  In church ministry I was also called to the bedside of dying or deceased loved ones, but my biggest role was to bring follow-up care in the form of funeral planning and grief counseling. 

You might say, in the words of Joni Mitchell, “I’ve looked at life (ministry) from both sides now”.  And on either side, I have seen the amazing grace of God working through His servants to bring comfort to those who are hurting.  In the hospital setting, even those who do not consider themselves to be “religious” often draw on God’s love to respond to hard situations.

Whether we are chaplains, local church ministry leaders or members of the Lord’s church in any role, God wants to use us as His ambassadors.  And as we go, we are the incarnate gospel, trusting our presence will make a difference as we draw others to our Savior Jesus.