On September 20^th, I completed a year’s Chaplain Residency at the Hampton VA Medical Center, Hampton, Virginia.  The program included four Clinical Pastoral Education units, which are the basic building blocks of Clinical Chaplaincy.  As I pursue some additional credentials and contemplate the next chapter in my life, along with my wife Jane, I find myself processing my Residency experience. 

I could not have imagined a better opportunity to reflect on my life and prepare my heart, mind and soul for the days ahead.  My supervisor Dr. Kim Nielsen, a licensed Pastoral Psychotherapist and Chaplain (who recently celebrated his 80^th birthday), provided guidance for my journey and much more.  Dr. Nielsen is a living legend, as a mentor to civilian and military chaplains and a specialist in the areas of anxiety, depression, grief, PTSD, veteran and military issues. 

One might say I was offered a year of free psychotherapy, within the folds of my chaplaincy training.  It has been said that that Clinical Pastoral Education is not therapy, but it is therapeutic.  This was certainly the case in my situation.  Coming on the heals of forty-seven years of local church leadership, my Residency was a time of enlightenment, healing and growth.  The work was hard, and the brutally honest nature of the CPE format is not for the faint-hearted.  But the lessons I learned were priceless.  My only regret is that I waited until I was sixty-six years old to learn them!

This is the first of several installments in which I hope to capture the essence of principles, theories and encounters which have become a part of my life as a result of my Residency.  I do not intend to offer an academic accounting, although I will provide insight into various approaches.  My chief goal is to suggest practical ways in which we can all care for others better.  We are never finished learning how to care, just as the need for care is increasing exponentially in our culture. 

I begin my reflection with one of the first principles repeatedly voiced by Dr. Nielsen.  He would say, “I believe most people already have what they need inside”.  This does not mean counseling is irrelevant, but rather that two of the greatest tools a caregiver has are the ability to listen and the willingness to provide the time and space for others to wade through an internal muddy river of muck and arrive safely on the other side.   

Perhaps this is why Jesus often asked so many questions.  “Whose image is on the coin?”  “Woman, where are they?  Has no one accused you?”  “Were there not ten cleansed?”  “Which of these three do you believe was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”  “Peter, do you love me?” 

Don’t misunderstand.  Jesus was also direct.  In Matthew 23:15, He spoke harshly to the Teachers of the Law and Pharisees: “Woe to you, Teachers of the Law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.”  The Teachers of the Law and Pharisees may have had everything in them they needed, but their hearts were so hardened they needed “a straight shot” from Jesus (another phrase used frequently by Dr Nielsen). 

Giving people the time and space to find answers within was one of my greatest challenges in my year of Residency.  After spending forty-seven years as a “proclaimer”, “guide” and “teacher”, it was easy for me to slip into a “Father Knows Best” (a show from the 60s with variations on the theme suggested by its title) mode.  I had to learn self-restraint as I allowed others to talk through their struggles and find a way forward. 

I have always heard, and believed that listening is the most valuable gift we can give to others.  After spending months ministering in a psychiatric unit, Hospice and long-term care, I have come to realize that sometimes listening is the only gift we can give. 

I will come back to this idea that we already have all we need inside in future devotional installments.  I certainly want to add that, as a Christian, I believe the indwelling Holy Spirit, my Savior and my God are ultimately “all I need”.   But as they (along with the biblical truths I plant in my heart) are also “in me”, they are key to the answers I seek.

I would encourage you to join me in listening more, both to others and ourselves.  And if you have spent your life proclaiming, consider the “Father Knows Best” analogy.  Even this classic sit-com ran its course.  In contrast, listening never goes out of style.